05.2010. Writings about the 1984 police state. The primary methods of such a police state are psychological which in a non-physical setting can be taken to any extreme. the aim is the exploitation of the individual. The individual designated for exploitation is myself. Those around me are enforcers of The 1984 Police State and are there to keep me in line for no other purpose than keeping me in line. They utilize every facet of society against me and they are all impostors. They define what is sane and what is not sane, and have the power to lock me up. They employ the population for demoralization and for breaking me down and keeping me in line, always at specific times and always with ulterior motives. If I stand up to any one of them, everyone else will immediately rush to their defense, not verbally but as bodies at the defense of the police state and to quickly beat down and coerce to submission. They can exhibit a certain sanity within a certain context, but it’s just not the right context and is not consistent with what’s happening around and not consistent with their methods of subjecting me to it, and however many of them can say the same things, it means nothing when they are all the same and all there for the same reasons, and the world of which they speak is just not this one.
The vast majority of the things I am subjected to are merely suggested, and yet suggested in very obvious ways. It’s arranged in a very fucked up way, because they ensure that within their context I seem to be suggesting things that I explicitly say I don’t suggest, while in my context they suggest things that explicitly they’ll tell me they don’t suggest. It camouflages which context is accurate and which isn't.
The latest clampdown was focused exactly on things I’d already written about: my sanity, my ‘disease’ (I try to demonstrate that my usage of the word disease is more accurate), my breaches from their ‘common-sense’, media literacy/ illiteracy etc. Next it will be something else. As said, the vast majority of it is mere suggestion, and yet it’s always timed exactly to beat me to conformity the instant I step out of line. There are many mundane situations that can be unpleasant or torturous, but in the 1984 police state these are used exactly for purposes of torture and beating to submission.
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09.2010. Everyone acts like they know me everywhere I go. They recognize me the minute they see me. On the same days, everyone will act embarrassed when seeing me, or ashamed, or angry, or ridiculing, and seem to all be reacting in the same ways to the same things, and these don’t seem to be things that are there in front of them. If I write something, there will be very obviously related responses that I will not be able to avoid no matter where I go. There are specific sequences in which I encounter types of them in correspondence to recurring events in my life (without relation to where I go or what I am doing within society). If I think of someone in an optimistic light, I will not be able to avoid likenesses of that someone who will be vicious to me. There is an understood relationship between me and the collective according to which I have to define everything in my life. There are many things I am not allowed to do and many unwritten rules I have to live by that no one else has to live by, and if I don’t abide by such things it will be met with harassments, punishments, and penalties, every single time.
It’s understood that society is a satire, and so I am not permitted to do anything in it. They are permitted to do anything in it, and everything everywhere is filled with them all the time, and every one of them is there to ensure that I cannot do anything and will be harassed, ridiculed, and taken advantage of until no longer able to endure anything psychologically. It’s understood that everything they say with words is a lie and that they are inherently biased and hopeless, and so there is no point in saying anything, and so I’m not allowed to say anything, and will get attacked by large numbers of them if I do. At the same time I have to constantly prove everything to them and explain everything to every side of their shifting ‘selves’, and then no matter what I do, their other selves will then turn on me.
I receive electric shocks to my body. I use a language (English) that’s demonstrably a fabrication. Things in news and entertainment are personalized to me. Immediately after the latest crackdown, there was something in the news about a prisoner being denied and then granted the right to a thesaurus. This after my uncharacteristic attempt to use big words had been thwarted by increased harassment, humiliation, and ridicule by large portions of the population I encountered. Usually news stories will protect themselves by being more controversial, or more insulting to me, and so I will be unlikely to mention them in order to avert further targeting: if it’s controversial I will be afraid to mention it, and if it’s very insulting to me it will be very easy for the public to overlook that it’s personalized to me and to just join in. Likewise, in their targeting of me in general they will often protect themselves by my shame and target me precisely in ways or at times that I will be unlikely to do anything about for reasons of shame.
I will never be able to avoid punishments and penalties no matter where I go if I don’t abide by my role as a prisoner who is not allowed to do anything and who must conduct themselves as a prisoner. If expressing myself, I must address only a mob: the mob I will encounter when going outside, the mob that can attack me, the mob that cannot understand anything and cannot be persuaded by any arguments other than those that temporarily appease mobs, the mob I will encounter a hundredfold before encountering any cop, doctor, etc. and which thus protects those posing the greatest legal threat. (The latter being something I can never keep out of my mind, as amongst the many protective mechanisms that will underpin the lie at any cost and will neutralize any attempt to see what’s in front of me, are those defining what is sanity, implicitly defining what is the truth of the world, and that are prearranged to assimilate certain perceptions into established definitions of sanity and truth, without anyone ever seeming to see the other possible side of that coin: that it could be precisely truth that is best protected against perception, as perception becomes crippled by these custom-designed definitions).
And after every time of going outside and encountering the all too familiar prison walls that will only let your life go so far, and never as far as it rightfully should, it’s fun to immediately encounter them as prison walls again when hearing them speak of some other society and fighting to enforce the denial of everything happening in your life in the names of the most shameless things. Why do I get attacked by mobs? Because I am not abiding by the standards of the actual society whose truth must always be felt and abided. And yet anything of the world in which I live is reduced to irrelevance or ridicule within the elaborate but fictional propaganda-context that is the only context one will ever hear spoken. Then, every single thing in that context is used as a scantily disguised method to police my life very closely and in very personal ways. So closely am I policed in fact, that it does not allow for any context in praxis outside of me and anything I ever attempt to do, making everything completely meaningless as there is nowhere any point of anything outside of me by which to define anything at all: it’s just me, and the very close policing of me, and then the recontextualizing of any reaction of mine to this.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Spies
anyone I talk to will vehemently deny that anyone in the public knows who I am. no one in the public will ever actually admit knowing who I am, although they act like they very much do know who I am, act in reaction to every detail of my life, and have very set prejudices against me no matter where I go which are not based on any relationship with whoever I am encountering but are based on their relationship to my life. if I mention to anyone that everyone acts like they know me everywhere, this is only used against me. but every single time there is something in my life to be policed or exploited, it seems everyone everywhere very much knows who I am, and there will not ever be a single instance of me being able to avoid punishments, penalties, and retributions, no matter where I go, if I have questioned society or have infringed etiquette required by the constant monitoring of everything I do and of every thought I merely think.
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and while certainly permitting no communication with them in the context of communication, every other detail of my life is put in the context of communication with them: activities inside my house, movements within society, thoughts that I think, and things I try to do with my life, are all put in the context of communication with them and judged by these standards. if I find it difficult to live without money, it will be treated as a betrayal of my relationship with them if I make any effort to encourage them to stop shunning me, and will be met with retributions. likewise, they’ll treat me in accordance or in retribution for thoughts that I think and for activities inside my house, and become coercively involved in my every movement within society.
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the potential for exploitation of the target of the reverse-panopticon is of course tremendous, and this potential is lived up to. any member of the protected whole can infringe the targeted person in any way they please and is not accountable to a single of their actions and is protected by universal deniability. the methods of infringement are endless. any reaction or defense by the targeted person will only open the door for retributions against the person by large masses. the targeted person is kept isolated and has no defense against any member of the whole other than via the spotlight. the spotlight captures every reaction of the targeted person while obscuring everything else. the targeted person will end up being accused of targeting by means of simulated reactions, while being made to feel an obligation to be truthful by the oppression of the spotlight to a degree that only allows for more suspicion of the targeted person. others target the person precisely by simulated reactions and use this to prey on the person wherever he goes, but are not in the spotlight and are protected by deniability.
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I live in the land of lilliput, in fact. by ‘in fact’ I mean that I present this as a criticism of the land of lilliput, rather than lilliput as an attribute of a delusion. by ‘delusion’ I refer to what would be designated as delusion by agents of mental health within the context of a real world, and am not thereby saying that what is presented as the real world is itself not in fact a delusion.
they put you in specific existential positions which are very difficult to describe, while everything is arranged to exploit your existential position. writing is supposed to be an instrument and a defense, but only provides more opportunities for exploitation. every single thing I write will provide more dark spots that can be exploited in every way. if I write about them denying everything they do, then if I am accused, or feel accused, or made to feel accused, of something I didn’t do, I will most likely deny it, and thereby I will be someone denying something, and annihilated by my own description. if I write about manipulation by means of double-meanings, then double meanings can be read into things I write, things around me can be arranged to create double meanings in things I write, or I can be put in existential positions where I have to use double meanings.
every tiny detail of my life is met with very large consequences. this is now not in reference to the particular things I mentioned in the last paragraph, but to very many things in my life in general. the lilliputians every so often will rebel against me, whenever some detail of my life gets out of line. I am not recognized as famous, a public figure, a public personality, an authority figure, a political figure, or anything of this sort. at the same time, I acknowledge the population as the police. this apparent double-standard of mine creates tremendous problems, WHEN EVERYONE EVERYWHERE ACTS LIKE THEY KNOW WHO I AM. they are the police, and I don’t commit any crimes against them, because they are the police.
I am constantly expected to squeeze down to the level of equality with the lilliputians, while not a lilliputian myself, within a system that is the polar opposite of being based on equality. there is absolutely no sense of perspective.
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everything in my life is put in the context of my relationship with those that spy in masses on everything in my life. if anything ever changes in my life in any way, this is regarded as a betrayal of those that spy as a society on my life. the A.I. beings, which are in fact A.I. beings, will come in the name of being extremely well attuned to suggestions in my writings, although never to logic, and use this to disguise the policing of my thoughts: thoughts that I think and do not express. they are fixated in masses on me, while not acknowledging me as any sort of public or authority figure or personality, and use this to restrict all the freedoms I am told I have and which I should have.
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if I was famous, and it was forgotten to be mentioned to me that I am famous, there wouldn’t be any one individual legally obliged to mention to me that I am famous, other than those who would be legally obliged to mention to me that I am famous, but it would have been extremely unlikely that not one of them would have taken it on themselves to mention this to me, and even more so that they would deny everything and use the denials against me.
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whenever out of favour with the collective, large parts of the collective and sometimes every single member of society will be obliged to assert their individual right to make things as unfavourable to me as they can within the bounds of their legal rights, although not one of them had ever seemed to feel any obligation to tell me that I’m famous or anything of that sort. I’m not recognized as possessive of any authority or fame, but everyone acts like they know me everywhere I go, and this is definitely met with consequences whenever I am out of favour with them, financial, moral, and every possible other. the entire system is precisely and personally arranged against me, and so obviously nothing within the system can work against the system. in fact, being picked on by large masses in this manner would not be treated as acceptable if it was acknowledged as taking place, hence the deniability of every single thing they do which everyone including the police is there to enforce. if great masses were not constantly fixated on my every move, whether I write publicly or don’t do anything whatsoever in the public realm, I would be able to have all those freedoms I am strongly deterred against by unofficial means, including moving around within society, using my senses, and thinking thoughts, and so it’s convenient that they also deny knowing who I am if I ask them and that I’m also being shunned. granted, they will suffer no consequences by not admitting knowing who I am, and have nothing obliging them to do so legally, and in fact the legal system is there to enforce this deniability, but I find it interesting to compare this with the types of accusations they use their personal relationships with me to make.
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and of course I am still being shunned, which seems to have been obscured during the course of the latest clampdown. they never fail to police and exploit every single thing in my life, but they can just completely shun anything I try to do with my life that’s positive. if I even mention money they’ll tell me I don’t need it, as it is understood that I am in a special position of being targeted by society and that while they can have money I ‘don’t need it’. likewise, it’s understood that I cannot have many freedoms at all, am not welcome in any public places, cannot do anything with my life, cannot have any privacy, cannot be permitted to think, cannot take an interest in political matters or anything else, and just about every other freedom I am told I have I do not have.
I write this, and so must consider the public I will have to encounter, and acknowledge that they will just have the same opinion.
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and while certainly permitting no communication with them in the context of communication, every other detail of my life is put in the context of communication with them: activities inside my house, movements within society, thoughts that I think, and things I try to do with my life, are all put in the context of communication with them and judged by these standards. if I find it difficult to live without money, it will be treated as a betrayal of my relationship with them if I make any effort to encourage them to stop shunning me, and will be met with retributions. likewise, they’ll treat me in accordance or in retribution for thoughts that I think and for activities inside my house, and become coercively involved in my every movement within society.
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the potential for exploitation of the target of the reverse-panopticon is of course tremendous, and this potential is lived up to. any member of the protected whole can infringe the targeted person in any way they please and is not accountable to a single of their actions and is protected by universal deniability. the methods of infringement are endless. any reaction or defense by the targeted person will only open the door for retributions against the person by large masses. the targeted person is kept isolated and has no defense against any member of the whole other than via the spotlight. the spotlight captures every reaction of the targeted person while obscuring everything else. the targeted person will end up being accused of targeting by means of simulated reactions, while being made to feel an obligation to be truthful by the oppression of the spotlight to a degree that only allows for more suspicion of the targeted person. others target the person precisely by simulated reactions and use this to prey on the person wherever he goes, but are not in the spotlight and are protected by deniability.
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I live in the land of lilliput, in fact. by ‘in fact’ I mean that I present this as a criticism of the land of lilliput, rather than lilliput as an attribute of a delusion. by ‘delusion’ I refer to what would be designated as delusion by agents of mental health within the context of a real world, and am not thereby saying that what is presented as the real world is itself not in fact a delusion.
they put you in specific existential positions which are very difficult to describe, while everything is arranged to exploit your existential position. writing is supposed to be an instrument and a defense, but only provides more opportunities for exploitation. every single thing I write will provide more dark spots that can be exploited in every way. if I write about them denying everything they do, then if I am accused, or feel accused, or made to feel accused, of something I didn’t do, I will most likely deny it, and thereby I will be someone denying something, and annihilated by my own description. if I write about manipulation by means of double-meanings, then double meanings can be read into things I write, things around me can be arranged to create double meanings in things I write, or I can be put in existential positions where I have to use double meanings.
every tiny detail of my life is met with very large consequences. this is now not in reference to the particular things I mentioned in the last paragraph, but to very many things in my life in general. the lilliputians every so often will rebel against me, whenever some detail of my life gets out of line. I am not recognized as famous, a public figure, a public personality, an authority figure, a political figure, or anything of this sort. at the same time, I acknowledge the population as the police. this apparent double-standard of mine creates tremendous problems, WHEN EVERYONE EVERYWHERE ACTS LIKE THEY KNOW WHO I AM. they are the police, and I don’t commit any crimes against them, because they are the police.
I am constantly expected to squeeze down to the level of equality with the lilliputians, while not a lilliputian myself, within a system that is the polar opposite of being based on equality. there is absolutely no sense of perspective.
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everything in my life is put in the context of my relationship with those that spy in masses on everything in my life. if anything ever changes in my life in any way, this is regarded as a betrayal of those that spy as a society on my life. the A.I. beings, which are in fact A.I. beings, will come in the name of being extremely well attuned to suggestions in my writings, although never to logic, and use this to disguise the policing of my thoughts: thoughts that I think and do not express. they are fixated in masses on me, while not acknowledging me as any sort of public or authority figure or personality, and use this to restrict all the freedoms I am told I have and which I should have.
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if I was famous, and it was forgotten to be mentioned to me that I am famous, there wouldn’t be any one individual legally obliged to mention to me that I am famous, other than those who would be legally obliged to mention to me that I am famous, but it would have been extremely unlikely that not one of them would have taken it on themselves to mention this to me, and even more so that they would deny everything and use the denials against me.
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whenever out of favour with the collective, large parts of the collective and sometimes every single member of society will be obliged to assert their individual right to make things as unfavourable to me as they can within the bounds of their legal rights, although not one of them had ever seemed to feel any obligation to tell me that I’m famous or anything of that sort. I’m not recognized as possessive of any authority or fame, but everyone acts like they know me everywhere I go, and this is definitely met with consequences whenever I am out of favour with them, financial, moral, and every possible other. the entire system is precisely and personally arranged against me, and so obviously nothing within the system can work against the system. in fact, being picked on by large masses in this manner would not be treated as acceptable if it was acknowledged as taking place, hence the deniability of every single thing they do which everyone including the police is there to enforce. if great masses were not constantly fixated on my every move, whether I write publicly or don’t do anything whatsoever in the public realm, I would be able to have all those freedoms I am strongly deterred against by unofficial means, including moving around within society, using my senses, and thinking thoughts, and so it’s convenient that they also deny knowing who I am if I ask them and that I’m also being shunned. granted, they will suffer no consequences by not admitting knowing who I am, and have nothing obliging them to do so legally, and in fact the legal system is there to enforce this deniability, but I find it interesting to compare this with the types of accusations they use their personal relationships with me to make.
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and of course I am still being shunned, which seems to have been obscured during the course of the latest clampdown. they never fail to police and exploit every single thing in my life, but they can just completely shun anything I try to do with my life that’s positive. if I even mention money they’ll tell me I don’t need it, as it is understood that I am in a special position of being targeted by society and that while they can have money I ‘don’t need it’. likewise, it’s understood that I cannot have many freedoms at all, am not welcome in any public places, cannot do anything with my life, cannot have any privacy, cannot be permitted to think, cannot take an interest in political matters or anything else, and just about every other freedom I am told I have I do not have.
I write this, and so must consider the public I will have to encounter, and acknowledge that they will just have the same opinion.
Arbitrary Law
The society in which I live: I can’t go outside and not be exploited in personalized ways corresponding to present details of my life. I can’t do anything whatsoever and then not encounter a personalized retribution against me no matter where I go. I can’t use profanity and then encounter someone that doesn’t know about this. I can’t encounter anyone and not have this be a personal cop and spy of me. I can’t go anywhere and not be the target of everything.
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Under this particular brand of arbitrary law in which everything attaches itself to you and attempts to annihilate you, standing up to them has to be a first principle when dealing with them. Everything that attaches itself to you also demands your consideration, while the reverse-panopticon tailors the contexts by which you have to live in correspondence to your life at every moment. And so, remembering contexts in the past will be treated as inconsiderate to present contexts, and when everything attaches itself to you will be treated as an initiation of aggression. At the same time, their ambiguities and double-meanings ensure you always know that any contexts used in the past can be used again, and it is your constant experience that every vulnerability is always exploited. The society in which you live is a prison, and within that prison are also official hospitals and prisons. The function of official and ‘unofficial’ prisons is to break you down and destroy your ability to stand up to or question society, and within the ‘unofficial’ prison, the official prisons will constantly be used as a threat and kept in the back of your head, while ‘society’ will be employed to serve as prison-guards and cops of your every move. And when released into this larger prison, one may find that things are not significantly different. This might also hold true for the type of society I am told this is, although it definitely holds true for the society in which I am actually living. I cannot turn a single corner without encountering more hordes of cops, who give every indication that this is exactly what they are and what they are there for, and who indeed police every single detail of my life.
If you stand up to them they’ll use different contexts against you, such as guilt. But it’s important to keep in mind that when they have completely destroyed your ability to stand up to them they will show absolutely no mercy and no one will respect your rights in the least, while every facet of the institution which is supposed to be there to help you will take its place against you without hesitation, and everyone will work together as a syndicate against you and use their positions of authority to accomplish all things opposite to everything they come in the names of. And when they take everything from you, then every single thing can be used for bargaining and extortion. Tests you are legally entitled to refuse will be forced on you by the threat of cancelling your privileges. also, once not legally obliged to take medication, it will be forced on you under the pretext of you not partaking in herd activities. by now you also know that the law is arbitrary and that ‘concern’ can take away your freedoms, and indeed they explicitly remind you of this and exploit this fact. All these things that happened can happen again, as the state of arbitrary law is still there. Once institutionalized you have absolutely no rights, and anyone can put their hands on you in any way they please and under any pretext. You have no say, no privacy, are told what to do and when, and whatever physical force necessary or more will always be at hand if you refuse.
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Under this particular brand of arbitrary law in which everything attaches itself to you and attempts to annihilate you, standing up to them has to be a first principle when dealing with them. Everything that attaches itself to you also demands your consideration, while the reverse-panopticon tailors the contexts by which you have to live in correspondence to your life at every moment. And so, remembering contexts in the past will be treated as inconsiderate to present contexts, and when everything attaches itself to you will be treated as an initiation of aggression. At the same time, their ambiguities and double-meanings ensure you always know that any contexts used in the past can be used again, and it is your constant experience that every vulnerability is always exploited. The society in which you live is a prison, and within that prison are also official hospitals and prisons. The function of official and ‘unofficial’ prisons is to break you down and destroy your ability to stand up to or question society, and within the ‘unofficial’ prison, the official prisons will constantly be used as a threat and kept in the back of your head, while ‘society’ will be employed to serve as prison-guards and cops of your every move. And when released into this larger prison, one may find that things are not significantly different. This might also hold true for the type of society I am told this is, although it definitely holds true for the society in which I am actually living. I cannot turn a single corner without encountering more hordes of cops, who give every indication that this is exactly what they are and what they are there for, and who indeed police every single detail of my life.
If you stand up to them they’ll use different contexts against you, such as guilt. But it’s important to keep in mind that when they have completely destroyed your ability to stand up to them they will show absolutely no mercy and no one will respect your rights in the least, while every facet of the institution which is supposed to be there to help you will take its place against you without hesitation, and everyone will work together as a syndicate against you and use their positions of authority to accomplish all things opposite to everything they come in the names of. And when they take everything from you, then every single thing can be used for bargaining and extortion. Tests you are legally entitled to refuse will be forced on you by the threat of cancelling your privileges. also, once not legally obliged to take medication, it will be forced on you under the pretext of you not partaking in herd activities. by now you also know that the law is arbitrary and that ‘concern’ can take away your freedoms, and indeed they explicitly remind you of this and exploit this fact. All these things that happened can happen again, as the state of arbitrary law is still there. Once institutionalized you have absolutely no rights, and anyone can put their hands on you in any way they please and under any pretext. You have no say, no privacy, are told what to do and when, and whatever physical force necessary or more will always be at hand if you refuse.
Reverse Panopticon
they’ve been policing my thoughts and my senses by means of relentless torture for very many years, and using this to intentionally cripple every aspect of my life at all times, and not permitting me to react lest they further single me out and converge on me. they did not allow me to ignore for an instant that they were doing it on purpose, and would take brutal advantage of my thoughts whenever I would make any excuses for them so that I would be able to have any temporary peace of mind, and they did not allow me to ignore for an instant that they were policing my thoughts and torturing my senses in correspondence to my thoughts, and would take advantage of my every effort to block them out in any way. they would not permit me to close my eyes or blur my vision around them, and they would not permit me to block my ears around them. everywhere I would go they would act like they know me and know every detail of my life, and would police my life by means of their great numbers and in the names of anything they could. they never left me alone for a second, and any time I misinterpreted this as an attempt by them at being friendly, they would coldly reject me, team up against me, and humiliate me in large groups. then they would deny every single thing happening around me, corroborate each other, and subject my every breath to the standards of some society which is not this society. they would unanimously overlook every single thing happening around me, would notice every single reaction of mine, and would use this to team up against me as well, and anything else they could. they would always keep me in the spotlight no matter how much effort I had made to be private, and would use the spotlight for every kind of manipulation, every kind of distortion of truth, every possible distortion of perspective, and every type of targeting and exploitation that can be accomplished by large protected numbers against an individual always kept in the spotlight without of course ever being recognized as possessive of any sort of authority or fame, and usually labeled a misfit, criminal, or mentally ill. the latter labels have of course expanded in many ways, but other than that much of the above persists just the same.
the logic of the reverse-panopticon is to target an individual who is always kept in the spotlight from every direction while everyone works as a team against the individual and everyone is there to protect everyone else, other than the individual being targeted. the types of targeting are determined by this setup. of course one always kept in the spotlight is made to feel an obligation to always be truthful, against their own interests, because the lights are fixed on his every move while those surrounding him who tell only lies are made obscure and are permitted any double-standards because of this. of course one is constantly accused by these prison-guards precisely of being deceptive, and can suffer punishments for even uttering such a statement as ‘one is made to feel an obligation to always be truthful’. there are very many things that the prison-guards can accuse the prisoner of but not the other way around, due to the requirement for constant demoralization of the prisoner, although very often these accusations are more accurate backwards. the prisoner is not permitted to express himself very well, as he can rarely get through a sentence without uttering some profanity because otherwise this will be interpreted as a vulnerability by the prison-guards, and is also very limited by the prison-guards in the ideas he is permitted to express, as all eyes are at all times on his every move and any uncareful step is quickly met with punishments no matter where the prisoner goes. this makes the prisoner also appear as vulgar, which of course works to the benefit of demoralization of the prisoner which the prison-guards exploit.
the types of targeting are tailored to the prisoner and to the spotlight. if any defenses by the prisoner can be made to appear inverted to the prisoner, this is a very effective method of personalized demoralization, as everything the prisoner holds in high esteem will be made to appear to the prisoner as inverted against them, which is accomplished by means of manipulation and the flexible and arbitrary use of any and every context. if the prisoner uses any context that is borrowed, this will only be exploited, as the prisoner is the only one in the spotlight, and so the prisoner can be violated precisely according to the context they are using, and then any reaction by the prisoner will allow the prison-guards to accuse the prisoner of exploiting this context. and so, the prisoner cannot use any borrowed contexts, while the prison-guards are permitted to use any borrowed contexts they wish, and the prisoner is not permitted to be playful, humorous, or to do anything other than be very straightforward all the time, which makes it easier to accuse the prisoner of being deceptive and of hiding their deceptions precisely in this way. the prisoner is also not permitted to speak calmly, as this will be treated as a vulnerability by the prison-guards. and any logical arguments of course don’t impress the prison-guards much.
the war is extremely elaborate and was waged against the prisoner long before the prisoner was ever aware that there is a war. ‘mistrust’ of the prisoner is never manifested as mistrust but always as penalties and punishments.
the logic of the reverse-panopticon is to target an individual who is always kept in the spotlight from every direction while everyone works as a team against the individual and everyone is there to protect everyone else, other than the individual being targeted. the types of targeting are determined by this setup. of course one always kept in the spotlight is made to feel an obligation to always be truthful, against their own interests, because the lights are fixed on his every move while those surrounding him who tell only lies are made obscure and are permitted any double-standards because of this. of course one is constantly accused by these prison-guards precisely of being deceptive, and can suffer punishments for even uttering such a statement as ‘one is made to feel an obligation to always be truthful’. there are very many things that the prison-guards can accuse the prisoner of but not the other way around, due to the requirement for constant demoralization of the prisoner, although very often these accusations are more accurate backwards. the prisoner is not permitted to express himself very well, as he can rarely get through a sentence without uttering some profanity because otherwise this will be interpreted as a vulnerability by the prison-guards, and is also very limited by the prison-guards in the ideas he is permitted to express, as all eyes are at all times on his every move and any uncareful step is quickly met with punishments no matter where the prisoner goes. this makes the prisoner also appear as vulgar, which of course works to the benefit of demoralization of the prisoner which the prison-guards exploit.
the types of targeting are tailored to the prisoner and to the spotlight. if any defenses by the prisoner can be made to appear inverted to the prisoner, this is a very effective method of personalized demoralization, as everything the prisoner holds in high esteem will be made to appear to the prisoner as inverted against them, which is accomplished by means of manipulation and the flexible and arbitrary use of any and every context. if the prisoner uses any context that is borrowed, this will only be exploited, as the prisoner is the only one in the spotlight, and so the prisoner can be violated precisely according to the context they are using, and then any reaction by the prisoner will allow the prison-guards to accuse the prisoner of exploiting this context. and so, the prisoner cannot use any borrowed contexts, while the prison-guards are permitted to use any borrowed contexts they wish, and the prisoner is not permitted to be playful, humorous, or to do anything other than be very straightforward all the time, which makes it easier to accuse the prisoner of being deceptive and of hiding their deceptions precisely in this way. the prisoner is also not permitted to speak calmly, as this will be treated as a vulnerability by the prison-guards. and any logical arguments of course don’t impress the prison-guards much.
the war is extremely elaborate and was waged against the prisoner long before the prisoner was ever aware that there is a war. ‘mistrust’ of the prisoner is never manifested as mistrust but always as penalties and punishments.
The Mob
Whenever I attain any peace of mind, or whenever anything in my life that is able to go semi-well despite them goes semi-well, immediately they ensure to bring it back to the path of targeting and policing me as a society and never allowing anything to change paths or to go anywhere. Immediately I will be pursued by anyone that is able to hold any out of context grudge against me for anything, and immediately any necessary context will be brought about, and immediately the story-lines will be made to accommodate the requirement to mark me for something or other and police me as a mob.
They are limited by absolutely no aspects of a self, and so can take exploitation to any extreme and operate by no other logic than that of exploitation. What’s usually exploited is precisely my existential attributes, while they are advantaged by their lacking of such, and then do it precisely in the names of these.
Everywhere I go I am targeted no matter what. When going anywhere I’ve never been to before, and when encountering anyone I’ve never seen before, I will be targeted according to my relationship with the collective. My relationship with the collective is based on spying on every detail of my life, and I will be policed by this relationship no matter where I go, and will be treated according to that relationship by anyone I had never seen before and anywhere I go that I had never been before. However, if anyone is able to hold any context against me that can work more effectively for purposes of targeting, and certainly if there is any context wherein anyone is able to hold against me something that I had done within some other context and by which they can better justify treating me in the required ways, they will just switch to that context. They constantly just switch to whatever context allows them to take exploitation to the greatest extreme.
Year after year they relentlessly police my thoughts by brutal rape and torture of the senses, and keep insisting and insisting on this. They purposely cough loudly around me and stalk me relentlessly and in large numbers and do this constantly and for long periods of time until a very thorough trauma is created and I am conditioned against coughs. Everything in my life is crippled by this, and after very long struggles to find ways to endure it without giving them reason to converge on me, I find that the only way to combat it is to respond to them in the same ways. And so, just one example. I go to this one place and am of course treated precisely to this as I am everywhere else. One day I begin to respond and there as well. It is of course intolerable to them when the one being collectively targeted is doing precisely the things they do to him. This was with one employee. Naturally, every other employee in that place now has it in for me whenever I return. Ones I’d never had any problems with have it in for me, I’m supposed to assume due to word of mouth. There are about 5 of them that now have it in for me due to my experience with one. I am eternally marked there now, and if I stop for a year I am still marked, and if I stop for two years I am even more marked. This is my treatment after having been obsessively conditioned against coughs by society, and I am just never forgiven.
In the same plaza there is another place I sometimes go into, where I am marked as well, for different reasons. I was once rude to an employee I felt was picking on me. 2 years later I return and have that incident with the earphones with another employee I felt was picking on me, and to whom I was rude in return as well. Next time I return to that plaza I go into the first store, and suddenly I am more marked there than ever and am treated like a complete criminal and undesirable, as though everyone had gotten together from all stores and designated me the great menace and witch and danger of the plaza. And their confidence just increases exponentially as it is affirmed by more and more of them that I am indeed this terrible danger and menace to the mob. And this is all a result of things they instigated and insisted on in the first place. And this is just one example, and next it will be somewhere else, and it never ends and it’s the same everywhere.
I am subjected to overly excessive standards of fairness and equality to them, while they operate against me as a collective. It is necessitated by this setup that I always be the target no matter what, and I am given no space to exist without giving them more reason to target me, which they are always eager to do. Moreover, everywhere I go everyone seems to know me and seems to know every detail of my life, while I’d never seen the vast majority of them. I have to walk around like this everywhere, and I can never know which of them will feel eager to attack me for some detail of my life. This is not excessively fair to me. And it always so happens to be me that’s not permitted any freedoms.
They are limited by absolutely no aspects of a self, and so can take exploitation to any extreme and operate by no other logic than that of exploitation. What’s usually exploited is precisely my existential attributes, while they are advantaged by their lacking of such, and then do it precisely in the names of these.
Everywhere I go I am targeted no matter what. When going anywhere I’ve never been to before, and when encountering anyone I’ve never seen before, I will be targeted according to my relationship with the collective. My relationship with the collective is based on spying on every detail of my life, and I will be policed by this relationship no matter where I go, and will be treated according to that relationship by anyone I had never seen before and anywhere I go that I had never been before. However, if anyone is able to hold any context against me that can work more effectively for purposes of targeting, and certainly if there is any context wherein anyone is able to hold against me something that I had done within some other context and by which they can better justify treating me in the required ways, they will just switch to that context. They constantly just switch to whatever context allows them to take exploitation to the greatest extreme.
Year after year they relentlessly police my thoughts by brutal rape and torture of the senses, and keep insisting and insisting on this. They purposely cough loudly around me and stalk me relentlessly and in large numbers and do this constantly and for long periods of time until a very thorough trauma is created and I am conditioned against coughs. Everything in my life is crippled by this, and after very long struggles to find ways to endure it without giving them reason to converge on me, I find that the only way to combat it is to respond to them in the same ways. And so, just one example. I go to this one place and am of course treated precisely to this as I am everywhere else. One day I begin to respond and there as well. It is of course intolerable to them when the one being collectively targeted is doing precisely the things they do to him. This was with one employee. Naturally, every other employee in that place now has it in for me whenever I return. Ones I’d never had any problems with have it in for me, I’m supposed to assume due to word of mouth. There are about 5 of them that now have it in for me due to my experience with one. I am eternally marked there now, and if I stop for a year I am still marked, and if I stop for two years I am even more marked. This is my treatment after having been obsessively conditioned against coughs by society, and I am just never forgiven.
In the same plaza there is another place I sometimes go into, where I am marked as well, for different reasons. I was once rude to an employee I felt was picking on me. 2 years later I return and have that incident with the earphones with another employee I felt was picking on me, and to whom I was rude in return as well. Next time I return to that plaza I go into the first store, and suddenly I am more marked there than ever and am treated like a complete criminal and undesirable, as though everyone had gotten together from all stores and designated me the great menace and witch and danger of the plaza. And their confidence just increases exponentially as it is affirmed by more and more of them that I am indeed this terrible danger and menace to the mob. And this is all a result of things they instigated and insisted on in the first place. And this is just one example, and next it will be somewhere else, and it never ends and it’s the same everywhere.
I am subjected to overly excessive standards of fairness and equality to them, while they operate against me as a collective. It is necessitated by this setup that I always be the target no matter what, and I am given no space to exist without giving them more reason to target me, which they are always eager to do. Moreover, everywhere I go everyone seems to know me and seems to know every detail of my life, while I’d never seen the vast majority of them. I have to walk around like this everywhere, and I can never know which of them will feel eager to attack me for some detail of my life. This is not excessively fair to me. And it always so happens to be me that’s not permitted any freedoms.
Impossible Existence
because they are incapable of admitting to a single thing they do and of seeing a single thing that's happening around and done by themselves, then any straightforwardness on my part is categorized as a theory and subjected to the standards of theoretical consistency (rather than existential consistency).
I don't extend the umbrella of anything I say over to them because they are not existent beings. I am subjected to both contexts and have to live by both contexts. when I go outside, they are of course everywhere, which wouldn't be a problem if they were the types of beings capable of minding their own business, but is a problem when they are the types of beings that are there to police me as a society. when I go to the store, I of course have to pay for anything I want, and so the part of me having to pay is there, but the part of me being able to have money is not there because the umbrella has been extended over to them in that selective way: they can't be expected to let me have money, but they certainly require money from me if I would like to buy anything.
they would like to both act like they know me everywhere and use this to police my life, as well as deny knowing who I am and use it against me if I mention anything about this. they would like to justify arbitrary law and policing my thoughts because they are non-entities that cannot be held accountable to anything, but the streets have to always be packed with them despite them being non-entities. I have to live by their nonsensical laws and within their nonsensical system, and they use every facet of the system in personalized ways against me while I must observe the utmost fairness towards them in accordance to what this personalized system likes to call itself.
I have to deal with and live with their every contradiction, and these are not of a nature where I may have the luxury of going out to observe the magnificent contradictions of these insane beings, but of a nature where these contradictions are specifically designed to cut in every way into my life and to make it unreasonable for a living and thinking being to exist. then, they put me in the spotlight, attribute to me everything they are not capable of admitting to, and then subject me to the standards of a non-living thing that cannot be affected by its surroundings and cannot even acknowledge its surroundings as it must be in full perfection in-itself at every moment.
the logic of equality: if there is a car, then I must be a car, or if I'm not then neither is the car.
and if they make me acknowledge them as people while targeting me as a society, I might subject them to the standards of people to see how they measure up.
communication must be reduced to the lowest denominator, otherwise it's not communication. and so, communication ends up being a good method for them to prey.
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I always have to justify everything to the collective, while the collective cannot admit to a single thing. they are non-humans, and shouldn't even be there, and I acknowledge this. however, practically it's precisely the other way around: they treat me in every way in which I should be treating them, and accuse me of everything they do and take credit for everything I do. if I acknowledge what they are, this only gives them an excuse to treat me in the ways they've always treated me anyways, because I have now contradicted their lies about themselves and so have given them occasion for 'retribution'. I've always treated them much better than they treated me, and they just exploited this. at this point I try to treat them in the same way that they treat me, but still they have the advantage of having no conscience, experiencing no doubts, being a block and always there to jump to the defense of each other against me, having no selves to get in their way and being permitted to contradict themselves endlessly without having to account for anything, and having infinite knowledge about my life without there being anything to be known about them.
they always go out of their way to exclude me and to permit themselves freedoms they don't permit me. it's ok for them to express emotions (which they don't have), and it's ok for them to quarrel and to question society, but it's always a separate case if I do these things and immediately the antibodies are released against me. they are simply the police, in very great numbers, and disguised as regular people. they are there to police me, to tell me what I'm allowed to do, where I'm allowed to go, what I'm allowed to say, what I'm allowed to think, and what I'm allowed to feel at all times. they are permitted to do whatever they want, and just go out of their way to always exclude me and not permit me the freedoms they are permitted. it's ok for them to question society all they want, but the instant I do anything of the sort in their presence, those I have been listening to questioning society will tell me that questioning society is not something acceptable when done by myself. if I write about it, the entire public can crack down on me.
every exploitation is taken to an extreme where it's able to protect itself by some illusion of equality. if they always exclude me, pick on me, and team up against me, this is all balanced out by them lying about it. then they can protect their double-standards towards me under the double standard that is me being honest about what's around me within the context of their lies. and of course they never fail to take those additional bites by invoking their prominent philosophies that attribute every single thing to the individual within the context of a neutral world, which couldn't be more out of context. and so everything they relentlessly insist on year after year is just erased from existence, and I have after all just brought it all on myself, which is nicely insulting when coming from the mouths of those that have rather insisted on treating me in these ways for a very long time.
I don't extend the umbrella of anything I say over to them because they are not existent beings. I am subjected to both contexts and have to live by both contexts. when I go outside, they are of course everywhere, which wouldn't be a problem if they were the types of beings capable of minding their own business, but is a problem when they are the types of beings that are there to police me as a society. when I go to the store, I of course have to pay for anything I want, and so the part of me having to pay is there, but the part of me being able to have money is not there because the umbrella has been extended over to them in that selective way: they can't be expected to let me have money, but they certainly require money from me if I would like to buy anything.
they would like to both act like they know me everywhere and use this to police my life, as well as deny knowing who I am and use it against me if I mention anything about this. they would like to justify arbitrary law and policing my thoughts because they are non-entities that cannot be held accountable to anything, but the streets have to always be packed with them despite them being non-entities. I have to live by their nonsensical laws and within their nonsensical system, and they use every facet of the system in personalized ways against me while I must observe the utmost fairness towards them in accordance to what this personalized system likes to call itself.
I have to deal with and live with their every contradiction, and these are not of a nature where I may have the luxury of going out to observe the magnificent contradictions of these insane beings, but of a nature where these contradictions are specifically designed to cut in every way into my life and to make it unreasonable for a living and thinking being to exist. then, they put me in the spotlight, attribute to me everything they are not capable of admitting to, and then subject me to the standards of a non-living thing that cannot be affected by its surroundings and cannot even acknowledge its surroundings as it must be in full perfection in-itself at every moment.
the logic of equality: if there is a car, then I must be a car, or if I'm not then neither is the car.
and if they make me acknowledge them as people while targeting me as a society, I might subject them to the standards of people to see how they measure up.
communication must be reduced to the lowest denominator, otherwise it's not communication. and so, communication ends up being a good method for them to prey.
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I always have to justify everything to the collective, while the collective cannot admit to a single thing. they are non-humans, and shouldn't even be there, and I acknowledge this. however, practically it's precisely the other way around: they treat me in every way in which I should be treating them, and accuse me of everything they do and take credit for everything I do. if I acknowledge what they are, this only gives them an excuse to treat me in the ways they've always treated me anyways, because I have now contradicted their lies about themselves and so have given them occasion for 'retribution'. I've always treated them much better than they treated me, and they just exploited this. at this point I try to treat them in the same way that they treat me, but still they have the advantage of having no conscience, experiencing no doubts, being a block and always there to jump to the defense of each other against me, having no selves to get in their way and being permitted to contradict themselves endlessly without having to account for anything, and having infinite knowledge about my life without there being anything to be known about them.
they always go out of their way to exclude me and to permit themselves freedoms they don't permit me. it's ok for them to express emotions (which they don't have), and it's ok for them to quarrel and to question society, but it's always a separate case if I do these things and immediately the antibodies are released against me. they are simply the police, in very great numbers, and disguised as regular people. they are there to police me, to tell me what I'm allowed to do, where I'm allowed to go, what I'm allowed to say, what I'm allowed to think, and what I'm allowed to feel at all times. they are permitted to do whatever they want, and just go out of their way to always exclude me and not permit me the freedoms they are permitted. it's ok for them to question society all they want, but the instant I do anything of the sort in their presence, those I have been listening to questioning society will tell me that questioning society is not something acceptable when done by myself. if I write about it, the entire public can crack down on me.
every exploitation is taken to an extreme where it's able to protect itself by some illusion of equality. if they always exclude me, pick on me, and team up against me, this is all balanced out by them lying about it. then they can protect their double-standards towards me under the double standard that is me being honest about what's around me within the context of their lies. and of course they never fail to take those additional bites by invoking their prominent philosophies that attribute every single thing to the individual within the context of a neutral world, which couldn't be more out of context. and so everything they relentlessly insist on year after year is just erased from existence, and I have after all just brought it all on myself, which is nicely insulting when coming from the mouths of those that have rather insisted on treating me in these ways for a very long time.
Nano-Traps
Response is something often necessary, especially when always under attack. When one responds, one addresses and works within the context one is responding to. This is not to make an absolute distinction and attribute every response exclusively to what is responded to.
To make things more complicated: the hall of mirrors. There is mirroring in response, and there is mirroring in a mirror. And I claim to be in a special position despite every single thing being reversible against me. First of all, not only is every single thing reversible against me, but every single thing is reversed against me every single time, like clockwork, like something goes out of its way to reverse everything against me. Second of all, they mix prior and posterior and respond to my responses to them, and thus enforce their deniability of everything they do in practical ways. Also, as everything has been arranged to exploit precisely me, I must spend much time absolving myself of things, which protects their absolution of everything they do. All the things they’ve been insisting on for a long time are all the more protected if I stand up to them, due to my particular position, and it’s arranged in this very precise way. And when responding to me and becoming mirrors of me, they can do this with ulterior motives, do this out of context, do this in large numbers, pursue me with great obsession while doing this, wedge these mirrors into something I'm doing in order to blind me from something else they are exploiting, etc.
Anti-matter creates the illusion of equality to matter, and that in the eyes of anti-matter, matter is anti-matter. Everywhere I go I encounter many I’ve never seen before but that all seem to know who I am. Every so often I will encounter one or ones that I’ve never seen before but that seem to know who I am and are eager to attack me. This happens especially whenever I experience any peace of mind or allow thoughts to go through my head in public, and I can never know who it will be because they all seem to know me while I’ve never seen any of them. Morally they can protect this because within the context of their deniability I experience hostility towards them for things they deny doing. Anti-matter attaches itself to everything I do, and everything I do is crippled by targeted anti-matter. The entire system is personalized to me, and they always work to obscure everything by assimilating me to them in perception.
Even if there was no distinction between existential and non-existential, nothing is in proportion and nothing is in perspective, and I am being specifically targeted and exploited and am immensely outnumbered. They don’t attack their own if ever there is any doubt of their distinctness from the rest. They seem to pride themselves on all being the same. whether something is existential or non-existential makes the most crucial difference, and this is most emphasized precisely in this set-up.
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if there is any vulnerability in me or in my writings or anything I've written that's easy to dismiss and exploit, this will have consequences next time I go outside. often I dread going outside because of this. they themselves correspond to every vulnerability in my life in coercive ways. they target me as a society, act like they know me everywhere I go, single me out and pick on me everywhere I go, team up against me at every opportunity, spy on my life, permit nothing in my life, and go out of their way to always exclude me and to make the conditions of my life as excruciating as possible. then, because I must be bound by standards of equality towards them while they are not bound by standards of equality towards me, then things like memory, caution, and thinking in general, infringe on them in the same ways that they, with their entire being, infringe on me: they superimpose themselves on my life and then subject me to standards of 3D space without allowing such space.
they have been treating me very abusively for many years and have created many traumas. I don't like them and I don't enjoy it when they come near me. I associate them with everything that one victimized by abuse will associate with the figure of abuse responsible. but they must proceed in the same ways, and so the inevitable existential consequences of being treated in these ways are just exploited.
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and if they turn themselves into mirrors or distortion-mirrors, they are then immune. and yet they are exploitation-driven-beings that operate as a virus and in very large numbers. even if the mirrors are not distortion-mirrors, it's a distortion not to acknowledge a hall of mirrors as a hall of mirrors. and then there is the authority of a mirror, and if you acknowledge it as a mirror you are only empowering it against yourself, and yet it may very well be an exploitation- or distortion-mirror.
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and when I don't write constantly: every so often, a day will be chosen for me to come under attack. it will start off with something I'm doing privately being invaded in some big brotherly way, conditioning and psychological torture being inflicted on me as punishment for something I am doing privately or something I am thinking, or some bite being taken of me in some other way. it will be sufficient for me to see reason to respond, and as soon as I respond either I'll find out that everything has been prearranged to target me for my response, or everything will suddenly be switched to target me for my response. if I write of something big it will be diverted towards something small that will trivialize what I'm writing, and if I write of something small it will be diverted towards something big that I'm not allowed to say anything about and can get attacked by mobs for (the first instance can have similar results as well). everything will be arranged on the days chosen to target me to further target me for targeting me, for no other reason than for me to be violated and then not permitted to respond to this in any way.
I am of course only permitted to react and never to instigate the expression of an opinion without having first come under some sort of attack, because the collective is always sealed around my throat and there is not a single breath that I can take without victimizing some spy or number of spies. I am also told that I live in a democratic society. as I write this I receive electric shocks to my body.
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in a situation of extreme inequality, somehow it's ingrained as inextricable that every single thing I write serves as an umbrella for the numerous beings that are set on targeting me. and when they are set on targeting me, not only will they nest in everything I write every time, but this standard of inextricability proves to be inapplicable. non-existential beings protect themselves by my every existential problem, and this of course ends up creating ever more existential problems. and their insistence on targeting me in large masses, and their insistence on lying about everything, and the situation of extreme inequality and endless guns pointed at one person, and the obsessive application of a logic used precisely for purposes contradictory to this logic, all end up creating ever more existential problems, in which non-existential beings will nest and by which they will justify extreme inequality: my every move being very closely monitored, every detail of my life being swiftly met with retributions, everyone I encounter another prison wall and member of the team against me, and nothing in my life being permitted.
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Everything is curved in a very particular direction, and this curve ensures the future curving of anything that may be attempted to be built on it. If I do nothing to contribute to the curving, I will just be under persistent attack in accordance to this curve which will not stop until I stand up for myself, at which point the curving will immediately be attributed as emanating from me, due to the requirements of the curve.
Moreover, everything is covered over by a false grid of equality that is there to protect and camouflage the most extreme inequality. Everyone is there to corroborate everyone else and every hand is there to wash every other. Everything is protected by deniability and ambiguity and often hidden under things dismissible as mundane. Everyone is very obtuse while everything is set in their advantage. If anything, however obvious, protects itself by deniability, however dubious, it will always have an entire army to protect its deniability against eyes that are able to see.
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They are just extremely stupid and team up against me in large masses no matter where I go. They are there to enforce the truth of all the things they are not capable of questioning in personalized ways against me in correspondence to every breath I take. There is not a single thing I can do that won’t be met with retributions, and every detail of my life is very closely monitored, and so there must be some sort of justice in that. Is there anyone else who is capable of saying that they are treated so justly? They don’t know a single thing from experience but are always very forthcoming in telling me what I’m allowed to do and knowing better what I should do.
The retributions they inflict on me for every detail of my life everywhere I go are on the level of their capacity to comprehend. If they create massive problems in my life, they can then inflict retributions on me for the problems they create. If they do something and then lie about it, they can then inflict retributions on me for the fact that the things they do bother me and create massive problems in my life despite them lying about it. The funniest thing is that them lying about it actually makes it even worse, and doesn’t help in any way.
And their logic seems to be that if something bad is done to me, it means that I must deserve it, because nothing bad is capable of happening to someone, who is me, unless I deserve it. I wonder in what multitudes they would attack me if I was to make such a crude judgment. Meanwhile, they never get a single thing that’s coming to them and just keep getting away with this shit year after year.
If they attach themselves coercively to every single thing I do, then everything I do will be a great problem to them and everything they do will be a great problem to me. Then they can twist this against me and suggest that my consciousness attaches itself to their actions and they are tyrannized over by my consciousness (whether I express it or not) as they happen to know me intimately everywhere I go. Or they’ll arrange everything in correspondence to descriptions I give in ways that will make my descriptions appear as reversed against me. Or they'll cripple by punishments things in my life and then protect their exploitations as reflections of the traumas created by this.
Nano-beings, in large numbers, can create very large problems. Everything is restricted and everything is brought to paralysis. Everything they do is protected by the problems they create, and they exploit fairness to them and disguise everything they do in every shadow of every such problem.
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whenever I start writing, the pieces of shit again become coercively involved in the process of writing in the most destructive ways. they attach themselves coercively to everything I do and police my life. they also exploit every thought that I think in the most cold blooded manner. they permit nothing in my life and keep forcing me into positions that will enable them to prey on me most effectively. I must explain everything so as not to be viciously attacked, and then they prey on me for explaining by taking advantage of everything I write in coercive ways. and brutal and cold-blooded retributions are inflicted on me for things I merely think.
they exploit every exploitation and take it to extremes where they are able to attain some semblance of equality under which they are protected. the more I go into detail about it, the more brutal will be the results, because they attach themselves to everything I write and treat my writings as instructions. then, if I don't go into sufficient detail this will have brutal results as well. they prey on everything and police my life.
if I am violated in some way and then respond, they are then protected by this response and each of them is able to keep violating me precisely in the same way and then be immune against any further response, as any further response will keep being diverted towards the first instance.
if the iron-fist of the public comes crashing down on me, anyone I interact with is protected by this and able to exploit this.
if there is some big event, generally, no reference to any particular event, immediately invasions of my life will be increased to exploit that I am in the spotlight and they are not and are protected by deniability.
if they take environment-enhancement to an extreme and use it to police my life, this allows them to also treat my every breath as a tremendous cataclysm in exploitation of a false semblance of equality that's created.
if they are non-living things and I am a living thing, this allows them to treat me like a non-living thing when I don't treat them like non-living things, in exploitation of their lies and my existential position (although when they don't treat me like a living thing often I can't treat them like living things either, not because I acknowledge them as non-living things but because they don't treat me like a living thing).
in dealings with them, if I do anything with good intentions, they'll accuse me of the opposite to punish me for any good intentions, and will never let any such thing go without punishment. same for whenever I falsely read any good intentions into anything they do. (this type of thing can also disguise itself as a very mundane human thing, although it's done quite intentionally and is designed to constantly kill my hope and spirit).
everything is arranged just so and filled with various traps, and then I am policed by these very numerous and very obtuse beings that just revolve around me and are there to make me miserable.
they usurp and exploit every existential trait and use the impostoring of these precisely to police my every breath as well as to exploit these very existential workings when they occur in me, and often force me precisely into these elaborately designed existential positions that allow for maximum exploitation.
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it's difficult to describe their nano-workings. in reference now specifically to personal interactions with them, although all facets use the same methods as all other facets whenever required.
they always make a lot of suggestions, and in fact have been exploiting this in very extreme ways, by means of all facets, for a long time. then, if they come in the name of being extremely well attuned to suggestions I make, intentionally or unintentionally, they are then protected by any defense I attempt against them, and indeed exploit this.
or they will come as self-proclaimed magnets of a distorted karma that is more akin to a curse and in fact ensures that justice can never occur, and take it to mirror everything I do and everything I think. every defense I attempt against them, they'll try to turn against me, and always in distorted and out of context ways. their motives are never pure, and they don't seem to be aware of themselves or of their part in anything at all. if I try to be fair to them they'll immediately take advantage of this. if I act to them in a manner similar to how they act to me, this will be taken out of context and used against me, as they are not accountable to a single thing they do.
more generally now:
I always have to be reminded that they are there to target and police me, and that injustice must always prevail when committed by large numbers masked by human faces. they lie about everything, cover everything they do by lies, castrate all intergrity and all reason, but they have everything on their side. they've arranged themselves precisely at my throat, always keep me in the position of being targeted and isolated by whatever justification required, prey on the most basic existential workings and often under the masquerade of their own existential workings, and then I can't say anything about it, or if I do, they can then act 'in retribution' to myself to 'teach me a lesson'. they target me in large numbers, use every weapon of a tailored society with tailored traps against me specifically, lie about every single thing, treat me like I'm extremely famous without acknowldedging me as famous, subject me to every possible nook of equality while ensuring inequality is always at an extreme, and all this in the name of their 'justice'.
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there is also a distinction to be made between the reasons they provide for why I shouldn't question the world and shouldn't have freedoms, and the fact that they are just there to police me and just constantly look for these reasons, and it really doesn't matter to them what these reasons are but they'll just use whatever works best at any time, and what works best is what works best in relation to me, and so their subsequent accusations are often precisely backwards.
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everything I write, only has an increasing effect, rather than a mitigating effect on the targeting of which I write, which is kind of the opposite effect than that which I hope for. at the same time I am a living thing, and when a living thing is constantly abused, this inevitably doesn't just disappear into nothing.
I am not allowed to say a single thing about a single thing that is actually happening around me, and the pieces of shit that act like they know me everywhere are there to enforce the truth of all the lies that are there to protect them. everything is there to protect everything else, and such details as everyone acting like they know me everywhere are just not treated as very important.
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whenever it is required to increase mass-involvement in my life, they'll just reveal themselves for what they are. this means that they'll be bound neither by conscience nor shame, will team up against me, do nothing to hide the targeting and do nothing to hide that they're all there to play for the team. it's very familiar to me to be treated in these ways by things that look like people, and I'll be able to just see what's around me and will almost begin feeling like I'm permitted to see what's around me and that it's just obvious that I can be truthful about what's around me. the instant I respond to anything though, the context is immediately switched and every response is suddenly put in the context of them all being very wonderful. then they just keep repeating and repeating this. they destroy memory, they destroy integrity, they destroy confidence, they pretty much just destroy every possible thing.
To make things more complicated: the hall of mirrors. There is mirroring in response, and there is mirroring in a mirror. And I claim to be in a special position despite every single thing being reversible against me. First of all, not only is every single thing reversible against me, but every single thing is reversed against me every single time, like clockwork, like something goes out of its way to reverse everything against me. Second of all, they mix prior and posterior and respond to my responses to them, and thus enforce their deniability of everything they do in practical ways. Also, as everything has been arranged to exploit precisely me, I must spend much time absolving myself of things, which protects their absolution of everything they do. All the things they’ve been insisting on for a long time are all the more protected if I stand up to them, due to my particular position, and it’s arranged in this very precise way. And when responding to me and becoming mirrors of me, they can do this with ulterior motives, do this out of context, do this in large numbers, pursue me with great obsession while doing this, wedge these mirrors into something I'm doing in order to blind me from something else they are exploiting, etc.
Anti-matter creates the illusion of equality to matter, and that in the eyes of anti-matter, matter is anti-matter. Everywhere I go I encounter many I’ve never seen before but that all seem to know who I am. Every so often I will encounter one or ones that I’ve never seen before but that seem to know who I am and are eager to attack me. This happens especially whenever I experience any peace of mind or allow thoughts to go through my head in public, and I can never know who it will be because they all seem to know me while I’ve never seen any of them. Morally they can protect this because within the context of their deniability I experience hostility towards them for things they deny doing. Anti-matter attaches itself to everything I do, and everything I do is crippled by targeted anti-matter. The entire system is personalized to me, and they always work to obscure everything by assimilating me to them in perception.
Even if there was no distinction between existential and non-existential, nothing is in proportion and nothing is in perspective, and I am being specifically targeted and exploited and am immensely outnumbered. They don’t attack their own if ever there is any doubt of their distinctness from the rest. They seem to pride themselves on all being the same. whether something is existential or non-existential makes the most crucial difference, and this is most emphasized precisely in this set-up.
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if there is any vulnerability in me or in my writings or anything I've written that's easy to dismiss and exploit, this will have consequences next time I go outside. often I dread going outside because of this. they themselves correspond to every vulnerability in my life in coercive ways. they target me as a society, act like they know me everywhere I go, single me out and pick on me everywhere I go, team up against me at every opportunity, spy on my life, permit nothing in my life, and go out of their way to always exclude me and to make the conditions of my life as excruciating as possible. then, because I must be bound by standards of equality towards them while they are not bound by standards of equality towards me, then things like memory, caution, and thinking in general, infringe on them in the same ways that they, with their entire being, infringe on me: they superimpose themselves on my life and then subject me to standards of 3D space without allowing such space.
they have been treating me very abusively for many years and have created many traumas. I don't like them and I don't enjoy it when they come near me. I associate them with everything that one victimized by abuse will associate with the figure of abuse responsible. but they must proceed in the same ways, and so the inevitable existential consequences of being treated in these ways are just exploited.
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and if they turn themselves into mirrors or distortion-mirrors, they are then immune. and yet they are exploitation-driven-beings that operate as a virus and in very large numbers. even if the mirrors are not distortion-mirrors, it's a distortion not to acknowledge a hall of mirrors as a hall of mirrors. and then there is the authority of a mirror, and if you acknowledge it as a mirror you are only empowering it against yourself, and yet it may very well be an exploitation- or distortion-mirror.
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and when I don't write constantly: every so often, a day will be chosen for me to come under attack. it will start off with something I'm doing privately being invaded in some big brotherly way, conditioning and psychological torture being inflicted on me as punishment for something I am doing privately or something I am thinking, or some bite being taken of me in some other way. it will be sufficient for me to see reason to respond, and as soon as I respond either I'll find out that everything has been prearranged to target me for my response, or everything will suddenly be switched to target me for my response. if I write of something big it will be diverted towards something small that will trivialize what I'm writing, and if I write of something small it will be diverted towards something big that I'm not allowed to say anything about and can get attacked by mobs for (the first instance can have similar results as well). everything will be arranged on the days chosen to target me to further target me for targeting me, for no other reason than for me to be violated and then not permitted to respond to this in any way.
I am of course only permitted to react and never to instigate the expression of an opinion without having first come under some sort of attack, because the collective is always sealed around my throat and there is not a single breath that I can take without victimizing some spy or number of spies. I am also told that I live in a democratic society. as I write this I receive electric shocks to my body.
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in a situation of extreme inequality, somehow it's ingrained as inextricable that every single thing I write serves as an umbrella for the numerous beings that are set on targeting me. and when they are set on targeting me, not only will they nest in everything I write every time, but this standard of inextricability proves to be inapplicable. non-existential beings protect themselves by my every existential problem, and this of course ends up creating ever more existential problems. and their insistence on targeting me in large masses, and their insistence on lying about everything, and the situation of extreme inequality and endless guns pointed at one person, and the obsessive application of a logic used precisely for purposes contradictory to this logic, all end up creating ever more existential problems, in which non-existential beings will nest and by which they will justify extreme inequality: my every move being very closely monitored, every detail of my life being swiftly met with retributions, everyone I encounter another prison wall and member of the team against me, and nothing in my life being permitted.
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Everything is curved in a very particular direction, and this curve ensures the future curving of anything that may be attempted to be built on it. If I do nothing to contribute to the curving, I will just be under persistent attack in accordance to this curve which will not stop until I stand up for myself, at which point the curving will immediately be attributed as emanating from me, due to the requirements of the curve.
Moreover, everything is covered over by a false grid of equality that is there to protect and camouflage the most extreme inequality. Everyone is there to corroborate everyone else and every hand is there to wash every other. Everything is protected by deniability and ambiguity and often hidden under things dismissible as mundane. Everyone is very obtuse while everything is set in their advantage. If anything, however obvious, protects itself by deniability, however dubious, it will always have an entire army to protect its deniability against eyes that are able to see.
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They are just extremely stupid and team up against me in large masses no matter where I go. They are there to enforce the truth of all the things they are not capable of questioning in personalized ways against me in correspondence to every breath I take. There is not a single thing I can do that won’t be met with retributions, and every detail of my life is very closely monitored, and so there must be some sort of justice in that. Is there anyone else who is capable of saying that they are treated so justly? They don’t know a single thing from experience but are always very forthcoming in telling me what I’m allowed to do and knowing better what I should do.
The retributions they inflict on me for every detail of my life everywhere I go are on the level of their capacity to comprehend. If they create massive problems in my life, they can then inflict retributions on me for the problems they create. If they do something and then lie about it, they can then inflict retributions on me for the fact that the things they do bother me and create massive problems in my life despite them lying about it. The funniest thing is that them lying about it actually makes it even worse, and doesn’t help in any way.
And their logic seems to be that if something bad is done to me, it means that I must deserve it, because nothing bad is capable of happening to someone, who is me, unless I deserve it. I wonder in what multitudes they would attack me if I was to make such a crude judgment. Meanwhile, they never get a single thing that’s coming to them and just keep getting away with this shit year after year.
If they attach themselves coercively to every single thing I do, then everything I do will be a great problem to them and everything they do will be a great problem to me. Then they can twist this against me and suggest that my consciousness attaches itself to their actions and they are tyrannized over by my consciousness (whether I express it or not) as they happen to know me intimately everywhere I go. Or they’ll arrange everything in correspondence to descriptions I give in ways that will make my descriptions appear as reversed against me. Or they'll cripple by punishments things in my life and then protect their exploitations as reflections of the traumas created by this.
Nano-beings, in large numbers, can create very large problems. Everything is restricted and everything is brought to paralysis. Everything they do is protected by the problems they create, and they exploit fairness to them and disguise everything they do in every shadow of every such problem.
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whenever I start writing, the pieces of shit again become coercively involved in the process of writing in the most destructive ways. they attach themselves coercively to everything I do and police my life. they also exploit every thought that I think in the most cold blooded manner. they permit nothing in my life and keep forcing me into positions that will enable them to prey on me most effectively. I must explain everything so as not to be viciously attacked, and then they prey on me for explaining by taking advantage of everything I write in coercive ways. and brutal and cold-blooded retributions are inflicted on me for things I merely think.
they exploit every exploitation and take it to extremes where they are able to attain some semblance of equality under which they are protected. the more I go into detail about it, the more brutal will be the results, because they attach themselves to everything I write and treat my writings as instructions. then, if I don't go into sufficient detail this will have brutal results as well. they prey on everything and police my life.
if I am violated in some way and then respond, they are then protected by this response and each of them is able to keep violating me precisely in the same way and then be immune against any further response, as any further response will keep being diverted towards the first instance.
if the iron-fist of the public comes crashing down on me, anyone I interact with is protected by this and able to exploit this.
if there is some big event, generally, no reference to any particular event, immediately invasions of my life will be increased to exploit that I am in the spotlight and they are not and are protected by deniability.
if they take environment-enhancement to an extreme and use it to police my life, this allows them to also treat my every breath as a tremendous cataclysm in exploitation of a false semblance of equality that's created.
if they are non-living things and I am a living thing, this allows them to treat me like a non-living thing when I don't treat them like non-living things, in exploitation of their lies and my existential position (although when they don't treat me like a living thing often I can't treat them like living things either, not because I acknowledge them as non-living things but because they don't treat me like a living thing).
in dealings with them, if I do anything with good intentions, they'll accuse me of the opposite to punish me for any good intentions, and will never let any such thing go without punishment. same for whenever I falsely read any good intentions into anything they do. (this type of thing can also disguise itself as a very mundane human thing, although it's done quite intentionally and is designed to constantly kill my hope and spirit).
everything is arranged just so and filled with various traps, and then I am policed by these very numerous and very obtuse beings that just revolve around me and are there to make me miserable.
they usurp and exploit every existential trait and use the impostoring of these precisely to police my every breath as well as to exploit these very existential workings when they occur in me, and often force me precisely into these elaborately designed existential positions that allow for maximum exploitation.
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it's difficult to describe their nano-workings. in reference now specifically to personal interactions with them, although all facets use the same methods as all other facets whenever required.
they always make a lot of suggestions, and in fact have been exploiting this in very extreme ways, by means of all facets, for a long time. then, if they come in the name of being extremely well attuned to suggestions I make, intentionally or unintentionally, they are then protected by any defense I attempt against them, and indeed exploit this.
or they will come as self-proclaimed magnets of a distorted karma that is more akin to a curse and in fact ensures that justice can never occur, and take it to mirror everything I do and everything I think. every defense I attempt against them, they'll try to turn against me, and always in distorted and out of context ways. their motives are never pure, and they don't seem to be aware of themselves or of their part in anything at all. if I try to be fair to them they'll immediately take advantage of this. if I act to them in a manner similar to how they act to me, this will be taken out of context and used against me, as they are not accountable to a single thing they do.
more generally now:
I always have to be reminded that they are there to target and police me, and that injustice must always prevail when committed by large numbers masked by human faces. they lie about everything, cover everything they do by lies, castrate all intergrity and all reason, but they have everything on their side. they've arranged themselves precisely at my throat, always keep me in the position of being targeted and isolated by whatever justification required, prey on the most basic existential workings and often under the masquerade of their own existential workings, and then I can't say anything about it, or if I do, they can then act 'in retribution' to myself to 'teach me a lesson'. they target me in large numbers, use every weapon of a tailored society with tailored traps against me specifically, lie about every single thing, treat me like I'm extremely famous without acknowldedging me as famous, subject me to every possible nook of equality while ensuring inequality is always at an extreme, and all this in the name of their 'justice'.
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there is also a distinction to be made between the reasons they provide for why I shouldn't question the world and shouldn't have freedoms, and the fact that they are just there to police me and just constantly look for these reasons, and it really doesn't matter to them what these reasons are but they'll just use whatever works best at any time, and what works best is what works best in relation to me, and so their subsequent accusations are often precisely backwards.
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everything I write, only has an increasing effect, rather than a mitigating effect on the targeting of which I write, which is kind of the opposite effect than that which I hope for. at the same time I am a living thing, and when a living thing is constantly abused, this inevitably doesn't just disappear into nothing.
I am not allowed to say a single thing about a single thing that is actually happening around me, and the pieces of shit that act like they know me everywhere are there to enforce the truth of all the lies that are there to protect them. everything is there to protect everything else, and such details as everyone acting like they know me everywhere are just not treated as very important.
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whenever it is required to increase mass-involvement in my life, they'll just reveal themselves for what they are. this means that they'll be bound neither by conscience nor shame, will team up against me, do nothing to hide the targeting and do nothing to hide that they're all there to play for the team. it's very familiar to me to be treated in these ways by things that look like people, and I'll be able to just see what's around me and will almost begin feeling like I'm permitted to see what's around me and that it's just obvious that I can be truthful about what's around me. the instant I respond to anything though, the context is immediately switched and every response is suddenly put in the context of them all being very wonderful. then they just keep repeating and repeating this. they destroy memory, they destroy integrity, they destroy confidence, they pretty much just destroy every possible thing.
Police Machine
Unexpectedly, the Nazis that have been targeting me in every way and systematically destroying my life for many years have taught me that I’m not permitted to stand up to them or to question the world around me. A couple of years ago I had just had enough of this shit and began writing publicly, and as always everything just ends up the same.
It’s of no relevance to them what it is which they are destroying or what freedom it is which they are forbidding, just as long as they can destroy and forbid. This phase came precisely after the phase when I was systematically taken advantage of and witnessed freedom after freedom of mine disappear as punishment for denying in my thoughts that which I am now not permitted to question. By means of great numbers and force, it was made very clear to me that I will not be permitted to deny in my thoughts what is around me, which I did in the first place in reaction to the intolerable conditions under which I had been living for many years. Now, by means of great numbers and force, it has been taught to me that I am not permitted to acknowledge precisely that which I am not permitted to deny either.
The shit has been in full force for about 9 years, according to the measure of time available. Sure enough, it started the way phases always start: by some deception they’ll convince you that you have some special ability, some special instinct, have been chosen in some way, or in one way or another have suddenly aroused the intense interest of very large masses. This will usually come at times when your life couldn’t seem to get any worse, or you have been denying the nature of your surroundings in your thoughts, and so you’ll be more likely to buy into it. If you do buy into it, instantaneously these great masses begin to systematically take away your freedoms one after another, and it always ends up in total shit and with these great masses just beating you to the ground and teaming up against you and telling you what you are and are not allowed to do in regard to the most intimate details of your life. If you don’t buy into it, they’ll just use more force and will end up beating you to the ground and taking away your freedoms one after another by means of more force. This force can come in the form of intense mind rape, psychological punishments, punishments of the senses, conditioning and endless harassment, humiliation, demoralization, simultaneous rejection by very large masses, simultaneous ridicule by very large masses, rejection precisely by anything you develop any sort of attachment to, coercive involvement by masses in everything you do and everything you think, betrayal by anyone that you have any expectation from or that you are under the illusion that they care about you, obliging you to all kinds of tedious chores, coercive and forceful deceptions combined with the knowledge of the consequences of not resisting these deceptions in very overt ways, extreme self-consciousness due to your thoughts being constantly policed and met with punishments, exploitation of your conscience, exploitation of your fears, exploitation of your trust, subjection by masses to all kinds of moralities, proprieties, and standards of every sort which have nothing to do with the world in which you live, the cold indifference and denial by everyone of everything happening in your life, the killing of hope, the killing of spirit, and the killing of every possible freedom. Or it can come in physical forms: punishments of the body by electric shocks, the infliction of other bodily agonies, and of course forcible confinement, the police, and being beat up.
And so, when it just started, I thought it was kind of a joke. I thought that all these great masses had suddenly become inspired by Nietzschean philosophy in some very radical way or something of this sort. I thought that with these things being done to me, it was just understood that I could start smashing things. The society in which I had felt free all my life had suddenly turned into a prison, everyone everywhere suddenly began to become coercively involved in my life, and anything I would try to do would be made extremely unpleasant until it was made understood to me that I am not permitted to do it, and so obviously, since they call themselves people and so must be people, they must at least see that they are coercing me in these ways, not permitting me to do anything positive in my life, forcing me to confront them constantly and then lying about it and calling the police on me, instigating fights and then taking each others’ side against me, turning a blind eye to electric shocks inflicted on my body and denying every single thing happening in my life, and then subjecting me to farcical standards and moralities: it must be that they have benevolently decided to make the conditions of my existence impossible because by spying on my life and policing my thoughts they had found out perhaps that I thrive in difficult conditions or something of this sort (all these exploitations being enabled by years of brainwashing by their books, their music, and their ‘people’). I would frequently get in trouble with the law, but of what importance was that? It’s all just a joke, and obviously this society is not living by its own standards and the standards it’s subjecting me to, and even the police is just playing for the team against me and making in-bad-taste jokes and giving me special treatment. Eventually I decided to return to school, and everyone I encountered that I knew from before was now an asshole, when I was in class I wasn’t permitted to pay attention and the things that call themselves students were just ganging up against me and policing my thoughts, the professors seemed to be ok with it and would just gang up against me and make fun of me as well, and finally that’s when it was revealed to me what the nature of this world is.
Not very long afterwards something was instigated, I responded, and was in police custody. In court, I walked in the wrong direction, and was beat up worse than I had ever been beat up, before or since, by authority figures or non-authority figures, by the cops. The worst I had ever been beat up was by cops, in a court-room, in front of the judge, the lawyers, and the full audience of ‘regular people’. No one seemed to care. A few days later I was released, in prison-outfit, and was quickly rearrested for walking in prison-outfit. I was taken downtown for some ‘outstanding warrant’ (which they never bothered about until then), and spent 2 weeks in jail, which at that time seemed very long. Not too long after this I was standing in a train station and was arrested and hospitalized for 2 months (the periods of confinement are now getting longer and longer, and being arrested and locked up for 2 months for standing in a train station is pretty much my definition of arbitrary arrest and confinement). Anyways, when released my body was constantly throbbing with agonizing pain that would not ever stop, I could not sit still or stand still for an instant, I was driven and kicked out of everywhere I tried to go in society and not permitted to do anything other than wander from building to building and be constantly harassed and beat up by authority figures for months, and eventually my life was reduced to very very little, my freedoms were non-existent, and I ended up spending about 2 years in confinement for something that I did do (if this world wasn’t imaginary), although my sentence was 2 months in jail, but thanks to the mental health system confinement can be indefinite. Obviously there were many experiences in confinement, including being forced to take medication, being beat up, subjection to degrading treatment, and being told what to do all the time, but I don’t feel like going into any more detail about that now.
When finally released I was quite paralyzed. I was too afraid to go outside and thought that I would be arrested when going outside. When sitting at home, every rustle of the leaves, blowing of the wind, knocking at the door, and engine of a car, I thought was the police coming to arrest me. This was exploited of course, and every opportunity was taken to instill more fear in me. This went on for a long time, and finally there began to be increased instances of me having to encounter ‘people’ and talk to them. At this point, I pretty much just hate and fear them, as well as feel a very great repulsion to being around them due to them policing my thoughts, because if somebody is policing your thoughts as you are thinking them, there is no distance too great which can really be put between you and them. They were of course all assholes who would just force me to deal with them so they can make me feel unfit and reject me as well as police my thoughts. My ability to say no to them or to exercise any will against them has of course disappeared due to my constant fear of arbitrary arrest. This is of course exploited and the pressures to conform to their activities are made to be perceived as commands to conform to the herd or else you are relapsing into your destructive ways and can be arbitrarily locked up again (in some instances this was explicit). Anyways, ‘people’ were all now these things that police my thoughts, are assholes to me whenever I’m forced to talk to them, and which I’m not permitted to stand up to and around which I just have to smile and endure their abuse and try not to transgress their standards of propriety and certainly give no one the impression that I have any criminal intentions, which was obviously exploited and used to increase the abuse and to stretch the limits of my acceptance and tolerance and to test my resolve not to put up any fight against them. This went on for quite some time.
Eventually I went back to school. Everything I am doing at this point is just a result of pressures to conform. Of course I have to now sit around hundreds of the things that police my thoughts, as they police my thoughts, and cannot retaliate. They of course do precisely that: police my thoughts by the abuse of my senses. I am not able to pay attention to a single thing, but must attend the lectures nonetheless so that my thoughts can be policed for these designated periods while I cannot move or make the slightest sound, so that I can then say that I attend their schools now. I am of course not able to ignore that the abuses of my senses are corresponding to my thoughts in very obvious and coercive ways, but if I say anything about it this will be too easy to dismiss, although at this point I was just dealing with it as the direct policing of my thoughts and nothing else, because I wasn’t saying anything about it and didn’t have to deal with anything other than the abuse itself. Anyways, I took one course per semester, and even that was too much. First professor taught me that I have to conform very carefully to the instructions or I will bring home a bad grade. Second and Third professors were designated to encourage me to exercise more freedom. Let’s see, nothing good ever happens in my life, there is nothing good around me, there is nothing good about those around me, I have nothing but fear of them and hate them because they obsessively harass me and are assholes who take every opportunity to reject me, and they police every thought I think and yet I must accept them as people because they can arrest me. What freedom do I want to exercise? I will commit thought-crime: I will deny every single thing happening around me. Thought-crime enables one to also participate in societal activities, get a job, join facebook, walk on the street alone without being afraid of the police, and do whatever one wants within society, just as long as you are committing thought-crime at every moment. (Denial of my surroundings is considered thought-crime, because those policing my thoughts in very inhumane ways expect themselves to also be taken very seriously in moral ways, and constantly try to use all kinds of human contexts to police my thoughts as well. The only reason why it came to denial in the first place, incidentally, was as a result of their excessive involvement in my thoughts, and that whenever I acknowledge the nature of what’s around me, this to them is an invitation to significantly increase their coercive involvement in my thoughts).
Then the summer ended. By this time I was implicitly being accused of murder by the herd, was worn out from my slave-job, and was also worn out from denying constantly every single thing around me within my thoughts. I was still committing thought-crime though. Everyone kept wearing and wearing away at me, and the fourth professor was just this asshole who participated. Then one of those events I mentioned earlier occurred, and I bought into it, because I had now convinced myself that I am living in a real world and no one is trying to deceive me. then, hell had turned into ten times more hell. On the mentioned social network, everyone began teaming up against me and ridiculing every single thing I would do, and everywhere I would go in society everyone was just doing the same. Everyone became ten times more coercively involved in every single thing I did. I was taught that if I retaliate auditorily to their auditory abuses I can keep them more at a distance from my thoughts without having to practice denial in my thoughts. I went to the fifth (and final) course, and was of course confronted by hundreds of those who are there to gang up against me and police my thoughts. I can now retaliate, I thought. No. These pieces of shit will not permit me to ignore for an instant that they are policing my thoughts and abusing my senses. If I am silent, they will just become louder and louder. If I say anything about it, they’re protected by deniability and can just ridicule me or further target me because it’s so easy to dismiss this. But it is ensured that I am not able to ignore that these things are done on purpose, and if I go to such extremes as practicing denial in my thoughts they will just go to greater extremes not to permit me to ignore that they are doing it on purpose.
They just keep insisting and insisting on this stupid shit year after year, and then I’m the only one who is truthful about it, and then if I try to protect myself against it and act in response to them, then suddenly I am what they are within the context of them being what they call themselves. And so by acting in a like manner to themselves to keep them the hell away from my thoughts, I had thereby ‘singled myself’ out, because the instant you respond to the parasites suddenly the parasites had never done a single thing and you had suddenly behaved in response to what they are while they are suddenly not what they are, and can converge on you by the hundreds. These switches can occur within the span of seconds. A vicious war was waged on me by hundreds of students and the professor. They would make fun of me and gang up against me and accuse me of all the most hypocritical bullshit, by the hundreds. When I went outside, it was by the thousands, and everyone was of course participating. They had pretty much made it known to me that I am not permitted to be there. Once I was sitting near the back, and the professor turns right to me in a lecture room with hundreds of students, stares right at me and keeps staring right at me and talking about school-shooters, and during every other lecture he was just making fun of me constantly and talking about my life, and so one standing in front of hundreds of students is just there to play for the team, and the whole set-up is a charade because I am always the only one singled out. No one had any problem with it. At the same time, humiliation was being used against me on the social network, everywhere I would go in society, and by everyone I would interact with, sectors of society were viciously targeting me, and then I tried going out with ‘friends’ for the first time in a while, who were of course cold assholes to me, while everyone around was making it known to me that going out with ‘friends’ is something that they will definitely not permit me to do. all of society was suddenly becoming a hundred times more abusive because I had ventured to go meet with ‘friends’, and they would just not tolerate that and waged a vicious war against me that day. Finally it was an all out war, I was not permitted to be anywhere, and everyone was just rejecting me and abusing me everywhere I would go. And that’s when I had enough of this shit and started writing.
Everything always ends up the same. I am not permitted to question society, and I have to worry about retributions being inflicted on me for things I write next time I go outside or encounter any of them. If I don’t write, there will be expectations from me to keep attempting to communicate with them, while they prey on communication and cannot be communicated with. They are all impostors, they are all there to play for the team, and they’ll just keep using whatever facet required to police your life by their fake moral authorities. They’ll even bring impostors of the reverse-panopticon and use it against you as well. When there were musicians that I liked, for example, they would just use their authority in very personalized ways against me as well, and for the benefit of the team. If something needs to occur next time I go outside to police my life, it will occur next time I go outside by whatever or whoever required. Eventually you realize communication with them is meaningless. Then, I am targeting them by giving them the impression that they have taken away my freedoms. But they have taken away my freedoms, very adamantly, and I would like them to have that impression, although I don’t think they actually do.
It’s of no relevance to them what it is which they are destroying or what freedom it is which they are forbidding, just as long as they can destroy and forbid. This phase came precisely after the phase when I was systematically taken advantage of and witnessed freedom after freedom of mine disappear as punishment for denying in my thoughts that which I am now not permitted to question. By means of great numbers and force, it was made very clear to me that I will not be permitted to deny in my thoughts what is around me, which I did in the first place in reaction to the intolerable conditions under which I had been living for many years. Now, by means of great numbers and force, it has been taught to me that I am not permitted to acknowledge precisely that which I am not permitted to deny either.
The shit has been in full force for about 9 years, according to the measure of time available. Sure enough, it started the way phases always start: by some deception they’ll convince you that you have some special ability, some special instinct, have been chosen in some way, or in one way or another have suddenly aroused the intense interest of very large masses. This will usually come at times when your life couldn’t seem to get any worse, or you have been denying the nature of your surroundings in your thoughts, and so you’ll be more likely to buy into it. If you do buy into it, instantaneously these great masses begin to systematically take away your freedoms one after another, and it always ends up in total shit and with these great masses just beating you to the ground and teaming up against you and telling you what you are and are not allowed to do in regard to the most intimate details of your life. If you don’t buy into it, they’ll just use more force and will end up beating you to the ground and taking away your freedoms one after another by means of more force. This force can come in the form of intense mind rape, psychological punishments, punishments of the senses, conditioning and endless harassment, humiliation, demoralization, simultaneous rejection by very large masses, simultaneous ridicule by very large masses, rejection precisely by anything you develop any sort of attachment to, coercive involvement by masses in everything you do and everything you think, betrayal by anyone that you have any expectation from or that you are under the illusion that they care about you, obliging you to all kinds of tedious chores, coercive and forceful deceptions combined with the knowledge of the consequences of not resisting these deceptions in very overt ways, extreme self-consciousness due to your thoughts being constantly policed and met with punishments, exploitation of your conscience, exploitation of your fears, exploitation of your trust, subjection by masses to all kinds of moralities, proprieties, and standards of every sort which have nothing to do with the world in which you live, the cold indifference and denial by everyone of everything happening in your life, the killing of hope, the killing of spirit, and the killing of every possible freedom. Or it can come in physical forms: punishments of the body by electric shocks, the infliction of other bodily agonies, and of course forcible confinement, the police, and being beat up.
And so, when it just started, I thought it was kind of a joke. I thought that all these great masses had suddenly become inspired by Nietzschean philosophy in some very radical way or something of this sort. I thought that with these things being done to me, it was just understood that I could start smashing things. The society in which I had felt free all my life had suddenly turned into a prison, everyone everywhere suddenly began to become coercively involved in my life, and anything I would try to do would be made extremely unpleasant until it was made understood to me that I am not permitted to do it, and so obviously, since they call themselves people and so must be people, they must at least see that they are coercing me in these ways, not permitting me to do anything positive in my life, forcing me to confront them constantly and then lying about it and calling the police on me, instigating fights and then taking each others’ side against me, turning a blind eye to electric shocks inflicted on my body and denying every single thing happening in my life, and then subjecting me to farcical standards and moralities: it must be that they have benevolently decided to make the conditions of my existence impossible because by spying on my life and policing my thoughts they had found out perhaps that I thrive in difficult conditions or something of this sort (all these exploitations being enabled by years of brainwashing by their books, their music, and their ‘people’). I would frequently get in trouble with the law, but of what importance was that? It’s all just a joke, and obviously this society is not living by its own standards and the standards it’s subjecting me to, and even the police is just playing for the team against me and making in-bad-taste jokes and giving me special treatment. Eventually I decided to return to school, and everyone I encountered that I knew from before was now an asshole, when I was in class I wasn’t permitted to pay attention and the things that call themselves students were just ganging up against me and policing my thoughts, the professors seemed to be ok with it and would just gang up against me and make fun of me as well, and finally that’s when it was revealed to me what the nature of this world is.
Not very long afterwards something was instigated, I responded, and was in police custody. In court, I walked in the wrong direction, and was beat up worse than I had ever been beat up, before or since, by authority figures or non-authority figures, by the cops. The worst I had ever been beat up was by cops, in a court-room, in front of the judge, the lawyers, and the full audience of ‘regular people’. No one seemed to care. A few days later I was released, in prison-outfit, and was quickly rearrested for walking in prison-outfit. I was taken downtown for some ‘outstanding warrant’ (which they never bothered about until then), and spent 2 weeks in jail, which at that time seemed very long. Not too long after this I was standing in a train station and was arrested and hospitalized for 2 months (the periods of confinement are now getting longer and longer, and being arrested and locked up for 2 months for standing in a train station is pretty much my definition of arbitrary arrest and confinement). Anyways, when released my body was constantly throbbing with agonizing pain that would not ever stop, I could not sit still or stand still for an instant, I was driven and kicked out of everywhere I tried to go in society and not permitted to do anything other than wander from building to building and be constantly harassed and beat up by authority figures for months, and eventually my life was reduced to very very little, my freedoms were non-existent, and I ended up spending about 2 years in confinement for something that I did do (if this world wasn’t imaginary), although my sentence was 2 months in jail, but thanks to the mental health system confinement can be indefinite. Obviously there were many experiences in confinement, including being forced to take medication, being beat up, subjection to degrading treatment, and being told what to do all the time, but I don’t feel like going into any more detail about that now.
When finally released I was quite paralyzed. I was too afraid to go outside and thought that I would be arrested when going outside. When sitting at home, every rustle of the leaves, blowing of the wind, knocking at the door, and engine of a car, I thought was the police coming to arrest me. This was exploited of course, and every opportunity was taken to instill more fear in me. This went on for a long time, and finally there began to be increased instances of me having to encounter ‘people’ and talk to them. At this point, I pretty much just hate and fear them, as well as feel a very great repulsion to being around them due to them policing my thoughts, because if somebody is policing your thoughts as you are thinking them, there is no distance too great which can really be put between you and them. They were of course all assholes who would just force me to deal with them so they can make me feel unfit and reject me as well as police my thoughts. My ability to say no to them or to exercise any will against them has of course disappeared due to my constant fear of arbitrary arrest. This is of course exploited and the pressures to conform to their activities are made to be perceived as commands to conform to the herd or else you are relapsing into your destructive ways and can be arbitrarily locked up again (in some instances this was explicit). Anyways, ‘people’ were all now these things that police my thoughts, are assholes to me whenever I’m forced to talk to them, and which I’m not permitted to stand up to and around which I just have to smile and endure their abuse and try not to transgress their standards of propriety and certainly give no one the impression that I have any criminal intentions, which was obviously exploited and used to increase the abuse and to stretch the limits of my acceptance and tolerance and to test my resolve not to put up any fight against them. This went on for quite some time.
Eventually I went back to school. Everything I am doing at this point is just a result of pressures to conform. Of course I have to now sit around hundreds of the things that police my thoughts, as they police my thoughts, and cannot retaliate. They of course do precisely that: police my thoughts by the abuse of my senses. I am not able to pay attention to a single thing, but must attend the lectures nonetheless so that my thoughts can be policed for these designated periods while I cannot move or make the slightest sound, so that I can then say that I attend their schools now. I am of course not able to ignore that the abuses of my senses are corresponding to my thoughts in very obvious and coercive ways, but if I say anything about it this will be too easy to dismiss, although at this point I was just dealing with it as the direct policing of my thoughts and nothing else, because I wasn’t saying anything about it and didn’t have to deal with anything other than the abuse itself. Anyways, I took one course per semester, and even that was too much. First professor taught me that I have to conform very carefully to the instructions or I will bring home a bad grade. Second and Third professors were designated to encourage me to exercise more freedom. Let’s see, nothing good ever happens in my life, there is nothing good around me, there is nothing good about those around me, I have nothing but fear of them and hate them because they obsessively harass me and are assholes who take every opportunity to reject me, and they police every thought I think and yet I must accept them as people because they can arrest me. What freedom do I want to exercise? I will commit thought-crime: I will deny every single thing happening around me. Thought-crime enables one to also participate in societal activities, get a job, join facebook, walk on the street alone without being afraid of the police, and do whatever one wants within society, just as long as you are committing thought-crime at every moment. (Denial of my surroundings is considered thought-crime, because those policing my thoughts in very inhumane ways expect themselves to also be taken very seriously in moral ways, and constantly try to use all kinds of human contexts to police my thoughts as well. The only reason why it came to denial in the first place, incidentally, was as a result of their excessive involvement in my thoughts, and that whenever I acknowledge the nature of what’s around me, this to them is an invitation to significantly increase their coercive involvement in my thoughts).
Then the summer ended. By this time I was implicitly being accused of murder by the herd, was worn out from my slave-job, and was also worn out from denying constantly every single thing around me within my thoughts. I was still committing thought-crime though. Everyone kept wearing and wearing away at me, and the fourth professor was just this asshole who participated. Then one of those events I mentioned earlier occurred, and I bought into it, because I had now convinced myself that I am living in a real world and no one is trying to deceive me. then, hell had turned into ten times more hell. On the mentioned social network, everyone began teaming up against me and ridiculing every single thing I would do, and everywhere I would go in society everyone was just doing the same. Everyone became ten times more coercively involved in every single thing I did. I was taught that if I retaliate auditorily to their auditory abuses I can keep them more at a distance from my thoughts without having to practice denial in my thoughts. I went to the fifth (and final) course, and was of course confronted by hundreds of those who are there to gang up against me and police my thoughts. I can now retaliate, I thought. No. These pieces of shit will not permit me to ignore for an instant that they are policing my thoughts and abusing my senses. If I am silent, they will just become louder and louder. If I say anything about it, they’re protected by deniability and can just ridicule me or further target me because it’s so easy to dismiss this. But it is ensured that I am not able to ignore that these things are done on purpose, and if I go to such extremes as practicing denial in my thoughts they will just go to greater extremes not to permit me to ignore that they are doing it on purpose.
They just keep insisting and insisting on this stupid shit year after year, and then I’m the only one who is truthful about it, and then if I try to protect myself against it and act in response to them, then suddenly I am what they are within the context of them being what they call themselves. And so by acting in a like manner to themselves to keep them the hell away from my thoughts, I had thereby ‘singled myself’ out, because the instant you respond to the parasites suddenly the parasites had never done a single thing and you had suddenly behaved in response to what they are while they are suddenly not what they are, and can converge on you by the hundreds. These switches can occur within the span of seconds. A vicious war was waged on me by hundreds of students and the professor. They would make fun of me and gang up against me and accuse me of all the most hypocritical bullshit, by the hundreds. When I went outside, it was by the thousands, and everyone was of course participating. They had pretty much made it known to me that I am not permitted to be there. Once I was sitting near the back, and the professor turns right to me in a lecture room with hundreds of students, stares right at me and keeps staring right at me and talking about school-shooters, and during every other lecture he was just making fun of me constantly and talking about my life, and so one standing in front of hundreds of students is just there to play for the team, and the whole set-up is a charade because I am always the only one singled out. No one had any problem with it. At the same time, humiliation was being used against me on the social network, everywhere I would go in society, and by everyone I would interact with, sectors of society were viciously targeting me, and then I tried going out with ‘friends’ for the first time in a while, who were of course cold assholes to me, while everyone around was making it known to me that going out with ‘friends’ is something that they will definitely not permit me to do. all of society was suddenly becoming a hundred times more abusive because I had ventured to go meet with ‘friends’, and they would just not tolerate that and waged a vicious war against me that day. Finally it was an all out war, I was not permitted to be anywhere, and everyone was just rejecting me and abusing me everywhere I would go. And that’s when I had enough of this shit and started writing.
Everything always ends up the same. I am not permitted to question society, and I have to worry about retributions being inflicted on me for things I write next time I go outside or encounter any of them. If I don’t write, there will be expectations from me to keep attempting to communicate with them, while they prey on communication and cannot be communicated with. They are all impostors, they are all there to play for the team, and they’ll just keep using whatever facet required to police your life by their fake moral authorities. They’ll even bring impostors of the reverse-panopticon and use it against you as well. When there were musicians that I liked, for example, they would just use their authority in very personalized ways against me as well, and for the benefit of the team. If something needs to occur next time I go outside to police my life, it will occur next time I go outside by whatever or whoever required. Eventually you realize communication with them is meaningless. Then, I am targeting them by giving them the impression that they have taken away my freedoms. But they have taken away my freedoms, very adamantly, and I would like them to have that impression, although I don’t think they actually do.
Television
The world is like a television, not because I watch too much television but because that's what the world is. Very mundane standards are applied in a very non-mundane world, and then every single thing about the world is attributed to the living individual capable of seeing what's before them. I have to spend my every moment absolving myself of every kind of accusation, not because I am not capable of admitting to shameful things about myself, but because everything has been precisely arranged to exploit precisely me. moreover, the existential impact of living in a constant war-zone cannot be grasped by the obtuse humanoids to whom I have to explain every single thing and who all tell me this is a very normal world.
If I think of someone I know, for example, a likeness of that someone will appear before me to reject me. This is not something that happens once or ten times, but something that happens constantly. This is very extreme, and very bizarre, but one is rarely able to get to the point of appreciating this when one is too afraid to think or to exist. Every single one of them is just there to cut me down and make me dead. Whatever needs to occur next time I go outside to best exploit and police my life, is what will occur next time I go outside, and it reaches very elaborately into every facet of my thoughts. There is no weapon that is lacking against me. The psychological space in this entire world is smaller than that permitted in the most tiny mundane prison-cell in which one is able to at least have privacy of thought. And then I'm expected to take things at face-value, and to accept moralities that apply to some very mundane world, because there is a human-like face behind it, or because it comes in a song?
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I wish that those policing me as a society would at least notice some very obvious things. I make a set of artworks, entitled 'nausealand', and then a day later there's something about a colonal being arrested and it seems to have some very obvious parallels to this artwork. the examples are extremely numerous and extremely obvious. if I was psychic, it would have been a very funny coincidence that they would have accidentally picked someone who is psychic to put on something resembling the movie The Truman Show. It doesn’t seem to me that anything I read in the news is ever real.
If I think of someone I know, for example, a likeness of that someone will appear before me to reject me. This is not something that happens once or ten times, but something that happens constantly. This is very extreme, and very bizarre, but one is rarely able to get to the point of appreciating this when one is too afraid to think or to exist. Every single one of them is just there to cut me down and make me dead. Whatever needs to occur next time I go outside to best exploit and police my life, is what will occur next time I go outside, and it reaches very elaborately into every facet of my thoughts. There is no weapon that is lacking against me. The psychological space in this entire world is smaller than that permitted in the most tiny mundane prison-cell in which one is able to at least have privacy of thought. And then I'm expected to take things at face-value, and to accept moralities that apply to some very mundane world, because there is a human-like face behind it, or because it comes in a song?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wish that those policing me as a society would at least notice some very obvious things. I make a set of artworks, entitled 'nausealand', and then a day later there's something about a colonal being arrested and it seems to have some very obvious parallels to this artwork. the examples are extremely numerous and extremely obvious. if I was psychic, it would have been a very funny coincidence that they would have accidentally picked someone who is psychic to put on something resembling the movie The Truman Show. It doesn’t seem to me that anything I read in the news is ever real.
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