1984 Police State

05.2010. Writings about the 1984 police state. The primary methods of such a police state are psychological which in a non-physical setting can be taken to any extreme. the aim is the exploitation of the individual. The individual designated for exploitation is myself. Those around me are enforcers of The 1984 Police State and are there to keep me in line for no other purpose than keeping me in line. They utilize every facet of society against me and they are all impostors. They define what is sane and what is not sane, and have the power to lock me up. They employ the population for demoralization and for breaking me down and keeping me in line, always at specific times and always with ulterior motives. If I stand up to any one of them, everyone else will immediately rush to their defense, not verbally but as bodies at the defense of the police state and to quickly beat down and coerce to submission. They can exhibit a certain sanity within a certain context, but it’s just not the right context and is not consistent with what’s happening around and not consistent with their methods of subjecting me to it, and however many of them can say the same things, it means nothing when they are all the same and all there for the same reasons, and the world of which they speak is just not this one.
The vast majority of the things I am subjected to are merely suggested, and yet suggested in very obvious ways. It’s arranged in a very fucked up way, because they ensure that within their context I seem to be suggesting things that I explicitly say I don’t suggest, while in my context they suggest things that explicitly they’ll tell me they don’t suggest. It camouflages which context is accurate and which isn't.
The latest clampdown was focused exactly on things I’d already written about: my sanity, my ‘disease’ (I try to demonstrate that my usage of the word disease is more accurate), my breaches from their ‘common-sense’, media literacy/ illiteracy etc. Next it will be something else. As said, the vast majority of it is mere suggestion, and yet it’s always timed exactly to beat me to conformity the instant I step out of line. There are many mundane situations that can be unpleasant or torturous, but in the 1984 police state these are used exactly for purposes of torture and beating to submission.
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09.2010. Everyone acts like they know me everywhere I go. They recognize me the minute they see me. On the same days, everyone will act embarrassed when seeing me, or ashamed, or angry, or ridiculing, and seem to all be reacting in the same ways to the same things, and these don’t seem to be things that are there in front of them. If I write something, there will be very obviously related responses that I will not be able to avoid no matter where I go. There are specific sequences in which I encounter types of them in correspondence to recurring events in my life (without relation to where I go or what I am doing within society). If I think of someone in an optimistic light, I will not be able to avoid likenesses of that someone who will be vicious to me. There is an understood relationship between me and the collective according to which I have to define everything in my life. There are many things I am not allowed to do and many unwritten rules I have to live by that no one else has to live by, and if I don’t abide by such things it will be met with harassments, punishments, and penalties, every single time.
It’s understood that society is a satire, and so I am not permitted to do anything in it. They are permitted to do anything in it, and everything everywhere is filled with them all the time, and every one of them is there to ensure that I cannot do anything and will be harassed, ridiculed, and taken advantage of until no longer able to endure anything psychologically. It’s understood that everything they say with words is a lie and that they are inherently biased and hopeless, and so there is no point in saying anything, and so I’m not allowed to say anything, and will get attacked by large numbers of them if I do. At the same time I have to constantly prove everything to them and explain everything to every side of their shifting ‘selves’, and then no matter what I do, their other selves will then turn on me.
I receive electric shocks to my body. I use a language (English) that’s demonstrably a fabrication. Things in news and entertainment are personalized to me. Immediately after the latest crackdown, there was something in the news about a prisoner being denied and then granted the right to a thesaurus. This after my uncharacteristic attempt to use big words had been thwarted by increased harassment, humiliation, and ridicule by large portions of the population I encountered. Usually news stories will protect themselves by being more controversial, or more insulting to me, and so I will be unlikely to mention them in order to avert further targeting: if it’s controversial I will be afraid to mention it, and if it’s very insulting to me it will be very easy for the public to overlook that it’s personalized to me and to just join in. Likewise, in their targeting of me in general they will often protect themselves by my shame and target me precisely in ways or at times that I will be unlikely to do anything about for reasons of shame.
I will never be able to avoid punishments and penalties no matter where I go if I don’t abide by my role as a prisoner who is not allowed to do anything and who must conduct themselves as a prisoner. If expressing myself, I must address only a mob: the mob I will encounter when going outside, the mob that can attack me, the mob that cannot understand anything and cannot be persuaded by any arguments other than those that temporarily appease mobs, the mob I will encounter a hundredfold before encountering any cop, doctor, etc. and which thus protects those posing the greatest legal threat. (The latter being something I can never keep out of my mind, as amongst the many protective mechanisms that will underpin the lie at any cost and will neutralize any attempt to see what’s in front of me, are those defining what is sanity, implicitly defining what is the truth of the world, and that are prearranged to assimilate certain perceptions into established definitions of sanity and truth, without anyone ever seeming to see the other possible side of that coin: that it could be precisely truth that is best protected against perception, as perception becomes crippled by these custom-designed definitions).
And after every time of going outside and encountering the all too familiar prison walls that will only let your life go so far, and never as far as it rightfully should, it’s fun to immediately encounter them as prison walls again when hearing them speak of some other society and fighting to enforce the denial of everything happening in your life in the names of the most shameless things. Why do I get attacked by mobs? Because I am not abiding by the standards of the actual society whose truth must always be felt and abided. And yet anything of the world in which I live is reduced to irrelevance or ridicule within the elaborate but fictional propaganda-context that is the only context one will ever hear spoken. Then, every single thing in that context is used as a scantily disguised method to police my life very closely and in very personal ways. So closely am I policed in fact, that it does not allow for any context in praxis outside of me and anything I ever attempt to do, making everything completely meaningless as there is nowhere any point of anything outside of me by which to define anything at all: it’s just me, and the very close policing of me, and then the recontextualizing of any reaction of mine to this.