Impossible Existence

because they are incapable of admitting to a single thing they do and of seeing a single thing that's happening around and done by themselves, then any straightforwardness on my part is categorized as a theory and subjected to the standards of theoretical consistency (rather than existential consistency).
I don't extend the umbrella of anything I say over to them because they are not existent beings. I am subjected to both contexts and have to live by both contexts. when I go outside, they are of course everywhere, which wouldn't be a problem if they were the types of beings capable of minding their own business, but is a problem when they are the types of beings that are there to police me as a society. when I go to the store, I of course have to pay for anything I want, and so the part of me having to pay is there, but the part of me being able to have money is not there because the umbrella has been extended over to them in that selective way: they can't be expected to let me have money, but they certainly require money from me if I would like to buy anything.
they would like to both act like they know me everywhere and use this to police my life, as well as deny knowing who I am and use it against me if I mention anything about this. they would like to justify arbitrary law and policing my thoughts because they are non-entities that cannot be held accountable to anything, but the streets have to always be packed with them despite them being non-entities. I have to live by their nonsensical laws and within their nonsensical system, and they use every facet of the system in personalized ways against me while I must observe the utmost fairness towards them in accordance to what this personalized system likes to call itself.
I have to deal with and live with their every contradiction, and these are not of a nature where I may have the luxury of going out to observe the magnificent contradictions of these insane beings, but of a nature where these contradictions are specifically designed to cut in every way into my life and to make it unreasonable for a living and thinking being to exist. then, they put me in the spotlight, attribute to me everything they are not capable of admitting to, and then subject me to the standards of a non-living thing that cannot be affected by its surroundings and cannot even acknowledge its surroundings as it must be in full perfection in-itself at every moment.

the logic of equality: if there is a car, then I must be a car, or if I'm not then neither is the car.
and if they make me acknowledge them as people while targeting me as a society, I might subject them to the standards of people to see how they measure up.

communication must be reduced to the lowest denominator, otherwise it's not communication. and so, communication ends up being a good method for them to prey.
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I always have to justify everything to the collective, while the collective cannot admit to a single thing. they are non-humans, and shouldn't even be there, and I acknowledge this. however, practically it's precisely the other way around: they treat me in every way in which I should be treating them, and accuse me of everything they do and take credit for everything I do. if I acknowledge what they are, this only gives them an excuse to treat me in the ways they've always treated me anyways, because I have now contradicted their lies about themselves and so have given them occasion for 'retribution'. I've always treated them much better than they treated me, and they just exploited this. at this point I try to treat them in the same way that they treat me, but still they have the advantage of having no conscience, experiencing no doubts, being a block and always there to jump to the defense of each other against me, having no selves to get in their way and being permitted to contradict themselves endlessly without having to account for anything, and having infinite knowledge about my life without there being anything to be known about them.
they always go out of their way to exclude me and to permit themselves freedoms they don't permit me. it's ok for them to express emotions (which they don't have), and it's ok for them to quarrel and to question society, but it's always a separate case if I do these things and immediately the antibodies are released against me. they are simply the police, in very great numbers, and disguised as regular people. they are there to police me, to tell me what I'm allowed to do, where I'm allowed to go, what I'm allowed to say, what I'm allowed to think, and what I'm allowed to feel at all times. they are permitted to do whatever they want, and just go out of their way to always exclude me and not permit me the freedoms they are permitted. it's ok for them to question society all they want, but the instant I do anything of the sort in their presence, those I have been listening to questioning society will tell me that questioning society is not something acceptable when done by myself. if I write about it, the entire public can crack down on me.
every exploitation is taken to an extreme where it's able to protect itself by some illusion of equality. if they always exclude me, pick on me, and team up against me, this is all balanced out by them lying about it. then they can protect their double-standards towards me under the double standard that is me being honest about what's around me within the context of their lies. and of course they never fail to take those additional bites by invoking their prominent philosophies that attribute every single thing to the individual within the context of a neutral world, which couldn't be more out of context. and so everything they relentlessly insist on year after year is just erased from existence, and I have after all just brought it all on myself, which is nicely insulting when coming from the mouths of those that have rather insisted on treating me in these ways for a very long time.